


Sidepath of a giant

by tatch



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Armin and Bertolt talk, Armin wants to believe, Bertolt's mental rambling, Canon-Typical Violence, Eren is the angry child, I'll be going into some of the manga chapters eventually but it'll be divergent from canon, M/M, POV Multiple, Past Indoctrination, Reiner tries okay?, Spoilers if you haven't seen the anime, Starts in Season 3 - 02 Descent, Time to derail canon, rating might be upped in later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2020-10-30 05:26:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20809277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatch/pseuds/tatch
Summary: The battle of Shiganshina.Things could have been better.Things could have been worse.Bertolt makes a decision. Talking happens.Things go ... a bit differently.





	1. Steam and bones

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shaish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaish/gifts).

> This thing is entirely Shaish's fault, for getting me back into Attack on Titan
> 
> \---------
> 
> I'll try to indicate whose pov it is, every time it changes  
Feel free to message me if I forget a pov switch.

** Bertolt **

He's- Anxious wouldn't quite cover it but worried or anguished don't fit either.

Expectant.  
Stressed.  
Uncertain.  
Scared.  
_ Hopeful. _

He's filled with fleeting emotions, that boil together and curl tightly in his chest.

But.

He's also calm. Confident. He knows what the plan is. Both plans. The only unknown variable... is whether they'll listen.

They have no reason to.

The things he's done- the things they've done...

He doesn't regret it. Any of it. He was following orders, fighting for the right to a better life, once he'd be back. For his family, while he lived and after his death. He never thought-

He's come to like it here.

Not half as much as his partner but-

It's a start.

Here, he is- _  
_ _Here_, they are.

More than weapons.   
More than the descendants of a long vanished country.  
More than just Ymir's people, a problematic race to be subjugated and kept in near slavery.

Not Christa's Ymir. Not that one, no.

Things are so much more complicated than any of those people born and living inside these walls could ever imagine.

Not that it's any of their fault. They're not half bad, regardless of his partner's sometimes frustrated feelings on the matter.

Neither demons nor angels.

Just people. Trapped within the walls, but free. Free to live and be. To come and go.

Somewhere out there, beyond a set of walls but still within the other one, Reiner _howls._

Bertolt refocuses, grips the inside of the barrel with near bruising strength, mere seconds before it shakes and gets thrown in the direction the howl came from.

He just hopes he'll have a chance to _talk._

* * *

Reiner is-

Bertolt presses his hand to that broad chest.

Alive. He's alive.

It's a near thing. Head blown to pieces, forced to move his consciousness to the entirety of his body, human _and_ titan.

Barely kept alive by his beating heart.  
Fighting the enemy, drawing them all to a single spot. All according to Zeke's plan.

If that was what they were following.

But... he's alive.

If he hadn't been...

Bertolt's brows furrow, then relax.

"Sorry to ask you that but could you move a bit?" He's not even sure Reiner can hear him.

He should, his titan's body ears don't seem to be damaged.

"I'm going to blow up the whole area. If you can't, I'm sorry. Brace yourself."

Bertolt squeezes Reiner's chest, feels the titan twitch in response. Good.

Not perfect but nothing ever was.

Hook and line, the pull of triggers and he dances, air rushing to his sides.

This whole clusterfuck of a situation-  
The insanity of the whole mission-

He'd never questioned why Marley had sent kids instead of trained soldiers. It wasn't his place, he just had to do what he was ordered to. But the longer it goes on, the more the sheer madness of it all becomes evident.

It's hard to tell if it was all Zeke's idea. The man's chasing the ghost of someone, hunting down a memory. Zeke's on his own personal crusade and the lot of them had just been swept up, dragged into it. Under official orders, of course. 

The cable pulls, sings as he turns and searches.

Why send children on such an important mission? It doesn't make sense.

It never did. None of it did.

Whatever Zeke's after is long gone. The Founding Titan is in the hands of a guy who wants-

Freedom.

But isn't that what everyone wants?

Green catches at the corner of his eye, fluttering and then gone. The glint of metal on the other side, on a roof, trying to hide in non-existent shadows.

They've been surrounding him. He had noticed but... it wasn't important yet.

_Promise me you'll try your best. _  
_I'm counting on you, buddy._  
_ I don't want to go back._

Bertolt sighs.

If Reiner had died, none of this would have mattered.

If Reiner had died, he would have killed them all.

* * *

** Armin **

"Bertolt! Let's talk!"

Armin can see the shape of their ex-comrade a couple roofs away.

He can also see Hange's squad, some zipping away toward Reiner's location, some moving to surround Bertolt.

If he can buy enough time, keep him busy long enough-

...why isn't Bertolt answering.

He's looking around himself, searching the roofs-

No. He's not looking at the roofs.

He's looking at the _walls_ surrounding Shiganshina. Why? Is another attack incoming?

Armin tenses. What's next?

He's not expecting the grapple that anchors itself near his own or the sudden whir of Bertolt's lines as he zips toward him.

Armin fumbles to get a sword out. He remembers the exercises, the tests, when they were all still cadets. 3rd best. He's no match for Bertolt's skills with a sword, even less considering that the ex-cadet could turn into the Colossal Titan at any moment.

He just needs to buy some time, just a bit longer. If only his hands would cooperate and stop _shakin_g-

"How serious are you about wanting to talk?" Bertolt's voice is clear, though a bit hushed.

What? Armin blinks, brain integrating the confidence, the determination in Bertolt's eyes. The way he's holding himself. The focused expression on his face.

... is that really Bertolt?

"We don't have much time, Armin."

This isn't- What's going on? Is he really getting a chance to negotiate?

"What do you want?" Armin brings the hand that's not holding a sword and shaking in a _hold position_ order, hoping _someone_ will see it.

Bertolt observes him for a moment, silent and Armin can feel the trickle of sweat running down his back.

"If our Captain, the Beast Titan as you call him, has a single moment of suspicion concerning our loyalty, we're dead." Bertolt's gaze is piercing, intense and sharp with single minded focus.

Armin can't remember a single instance of the tall and shy Bertolt being like this.

Driven.  
Wait, focus. Loyalty- He can't mean-

"We can't stop fighting you. I have- We have to keep going with the plan. Because if he suspects for one second that we're no longer on his side, he'll tear us from the napes of our titans and give us to some titan to chew on."

"You want to defect to our side?" Armin's voice is shaking, a mix of fear and bewilderment. 

It makes no sense, why would they want to join forces with the Corps? All Reiner's group has done so far, is try to destroy humanity within the walls and abduct Eren.

"I don't care." Armin snaps up and meets Bertolt's gaze. There's no lie in those eyes. Bertolt means it. "But... Reiner does. He wants to live here, among the people living inside the walls, as a free man."

Armin remembers hearing someone say that the only reason Bertolt hadn't been in the Top 2 of their group, instead of in 3rd place, was because he lacked drive, the will to fight.

It sure looks like he found it, some time between when they'd last clashed and now.

"What tells me this isn't all a ruse?" His body is still terrified, he can't help it. "That you won't transform into Titans and try to kidnap Eren all over again." He shouldn't give him ideas but he needs to see on the other's face-

Bertolt frowns, looking thoughtful before it smoothes out and Armin fights the tremor of panic and elation that agitates him.

Bertolt hadn't even considered it. 

Words are words but the expression on Bertolt's face is no lie-

"What tells me you won't stick a blade through our necks when we don't expect it?"

They stare at each other for what seems like an eternity. Whatever Bertolt is reading on his face, it must convince him to not just push his blade through Armin's chest and be done with it.

Bertolt sighs, gaze fleeting to where Reiner is. "I have a plan. But whether it can be carried out successfully will be on you."

* * *

** Bertolt **

His cut-off ear stings. 

It doesn't hurt that much, he's used to far worse but ... he hadn't quite expected Mikasa.

It was like her to try and get the drop on her targets. To be honest, he should have seen it coming.

But the talk with Armin had gone so well. Better than he'd expected.

Then again, it had only been Armin there. His word against the rest of the Corps anger and hatred.

It's not much to go on.

Bertolt sighs, pulls on the triggers, focusing on the trajectory, the distance, the amount of gas he's got left. Just for a moment, he flies and there's nothing but him and the singing metal at his fingertips, an empty city and the distant cries of spooked horses.

The cracking shot of a flare gun.

He stirs, cables whirring, and stops on a small tower. Red stains the sky, aimed opposite to where Bertolt's headed.

Armin.

Bertolt stills, waiting. Cables whir, green cloaks flap to the wind and they pass by him. He must be noticed by more than a few because he can hear shouts of alarm, see their movement become frantic.

The flare gun fires again, crimson staining the air, imperious and demanding.

Bertolt keeps going, ignoring the startled noises, back bowing as he fires and pulls himself forward. He knows where he's headed, but he's not sure where he'll transform at exactly.

No. That's a lie.

He knows exactly where he's going to transform. They've spent months (weeks?) in Shiganshina, waiting, training and Bertolt spent a lot of that time mapping the streets and alleys and towers.

Eren's hometown.

His own memories of passing through the streets surrounding him as a child are ... faded. Dim and bits and pieces here and there, excitement and horror, terror of failing to achieve his own part of their mission, of being eaten as well, worry for Annie, exhausted and passed by his side, relief when Reiner had come back for them, in his titan, through the screams and heavy footsteps.

He's sorry it had to happen. 

He doesn't regret his own actions. 

He wishes they could have snuck in, stolen the Founding Titan and snuck back out.

But Marcel's death had put that plan in the ground before Bertolt ever had a chance to formulate it. Dreams eaten by a slumbering titan.

This world-  
It's just that fucked-up, isn't it?

Because no matter how much Bertolt wants to find another reason for Marley's decision to entrust its titans to a bunch of kids-

Warrior candidates.  
What a joke.

They've never been anything but prisoners, raised to trust the enemy and operate its deadliest weapons. They're expendable. Brainwashed by propaganda. Useful only as long as they blindly follow orders and perform beyond expectations.

Weapons to be used and replaced.

Before coming here, before getting to know the people inside these walls? Hadn't he been just like that?

Blind and ignorant.  
Scared and hateful.

He pushes and pulls, watching as more cloaks pass him by, letting his body gather speed as he releases anchors, sets them again-

But. He's not scared anymore.  
Or blind.  
Or ignorant.

The slightly higher row of towers are right there. He can't delay any longer. The weight of his own body gives him impulse and speed.

Triggers pushed, he flies high and true. Twists on himself, observing. He wonders whether the Corps soldiers got far enough that they won't die when he transforms.

There's the smoke of Reiner's body, but he can't see the giant crouched shape anymore.

He can't see a single cloak either, but that doesn't mean much.

If they didn't, well.

Too bad for them.

* * *

Light and heat and steam, before darkness wraps around him and he goes up up up.

His field of awareness widens, almost painfully so, as nerves and flesh forms out of nowhere. Bones stretch and legs come down to support his considerable weight. Still, he remains aware of his own small and vulnerable body, encased in the neck of his titan one.

He opens his eyes, watching the ruin, the fire and destruction his transformation have brought. 

Zeke's plan. He needs to-

His titan body is. Slow. So so slow.

Burning houses and rocks crumble and gather under his hand, into his palm as he rakes his fingers through the ruins of Shiganshina.

He'd try to avoid the Corps but he can't really. 

First, because it needs to look like he was trying to hit them.

And second... they're so small. Like mosquitoes, zipping and flying around, hard to catch and hard to see.

Bertolt throws debris in a circle toward the city, toward the outer walls. Fire blooms, smoke rises. 

He might have just killed them all.  
There's nothing he can do about it.

So he turns on himself and heads for the inner wall.

If they can kill the horses, Eren won't be able to escape. That was the plan.

But-

It will take him some time to get there.

He focuses on guiding the gigantic body he calls his, producing hot steam when his ears catch the sound of zip-lines, when silhouettes start dancing around him, trying to aim at his neck.

Some of them survived.

It should be all show and no danger.

He's not sure he can trust them. Not fully. So it'll be their fault for getting too close if they get hurt or die.

Eren howls, headed his way and Bertolt pauses, ready to make his body kick him away.

Reiner tackles Eren aside.

* * *

"I'm not sure what Reiner will do if he wakes up. You hurt him, enough that he might be working on instincts right now." Armin had looked away, mouth set in a grim line. They'd all seen what a transformed Eren losing control of himself was like.

Armin had looked back up, determined and- Bertolt had to quash that, right there.

"If he dies, I will kill you all." They stared at each other and he-

He needed Armin to understand. Where his loyalty laid exactly. That it wasn't a threat, just a warning of what would happen. A mere statement. "Make sure he stays alive. Don't stop yourselves from fighting him. He won't expect less and neither will our Captain."

The nod had been curt.   
Short.   
Shaky.

He's not sure what else he'd expected.

* * *

Bertolt turns his head, trying to keep the fight between the two shifters at the corner of his eye, even as he keeps moving toward the wall.

Moving this body is a fight.

He remembers the first days of earning his title of warrior, his first transformation, when every movement had been exhausting. 

It wasn't that it took a lot of energy but it was an exercise in waiting and focus.

Even as he keeps track of what's happening around him, part of his brain needs to keep his body moving.  
If he got too distracted, the titan would stop.

If he tried to move as he would move his human body, the titan would stop or collapse on itself.

And his skin-

It's not ... a feeling he has any liking for in any way, to feel the skinless, scorching hot body of a 60m giant as if it was his own.

An exercise in patience and pain tolerance.  
In focus and awareness.

It's... unpleasant.

Somewhere, all the way down to his ankles, Eren howls, and sends Reiner flying toward Bertolt.

Reiner rolls on himself before he can hit his foot, and charges again.

He wonders how much Reiner remembers. How aware of his surroundings his partner is.

Enough that he's not blindly attacking Bertolt.   
Not enough as to not get into an all-out brawl with Eren.

One time, Reiner had described what it felt like, to be the Armored titan. To be encased in armor and hard muscle, the near invulnerability, the confidence that titan carried.

It must be nice, Bertolt remembers thinking, to feel so good after a transformation.

Stay focused.  
Keep moving.

He hasn't stopped, but it took his foot a beat too long to start moving. He's slow enough as it is, he can't start getting slower.

Screams, sudden and unexpected, and the whines of the horses.

Shit, already?

He knew Zeke was going to start throwing debris, rocks and whatnot onto the soldiers that had remained outside.

He just wasn't expecting it so soon.

He hasn't even reached the wall yet.

Something must have happened. _Shit._

The tiny shape on top of the wall jumps down. Captain Levi? No, the soldier who'd earned the title of "Humanity's strongest" would have lunged _at_ him, not away.

The commander then? It would have been the best place for Erwin Smith to keep track of what was happening on both sides of the wall, to direct one group or the other if needed.

And with Bertolt's approach-  
Zeke's bombardment-  
The lack of knowledge regarding Armin and Bertolt's uneasy alliance-

The commander had made a choice.

Something hits his ankle, his heel and Bertolt stops the steady stream of steam pouring out of his body, pausing to look down.

Eren.

Even in his titan, this close, he'd be burned to a crisp if he was exposed to Bertolt's steam for too long.

It's very much _not_ the point.

Reiner tries to get Eren away from Bertolt. He too must have noticed that Bertolt's steam came to a stop.

They roll around and grapple at each other, pushing and pulling and snarling, and even if he wanted to, Bertolt wouldn't be able to move forward still. Too much risks of him crushing one or the other to death under his foot.

Again, not the point. Even more so because Reiner is right there, trying to protect him.

But Bertolt's ears catch on to the sound of zip-lines being fired, of gas being stream-released. He moves, arm trying to catch them. 

Too slow.  
Way too slow.

And his natural defense, the steam that pours out of his body is unusable. He can't risk destroying the very thing they'd been sent to get. He won't risk killing his partner.

For the first time, while using his titan, he's ... vulnerable.

Just as he told Armin.

It should be terrifying.

He can feel the undercurrent of fear and worry but it's muted, drowned under focus and determination, how aware of his surroundings he is as he keeps track of Eren and Reiner and the soldiers climbing over him-

Pinpricks of pain at his nape, sharp pain slicing at his arms and legs. But the worst of it is the way his awareness snaps abruptly, painfully back into his body.

That's not-

He wasn't ready for that. The dizziness hits him like a rubber band being snapped back into place.

He's never been-

Bertolt feels himself waver, feels the colossal mass under him shudder.

It falls.

He... falls? flies?

Before what remains of his consciousness fades out, he hears Reiner _roar._


	2. Give your heart

** Armin **

Armin watches as Hange and Mikasa work together on tearing Bertolt out of the nape of the colossal titan.

He knows most of what they're doing is following the guiding lines of Bertolt's plan.

It doesn't help him feel better about the pain he can read on the ex-cadet's face. Or how he passes out seconds after being cut off from the gigantic body.

His cut off arms and legs are smoking already, healing wounds humans shouldn't be able to heal, but his head lolls back, jaw slack.

Hange passes the ex-cadet to Armin, he gathers him securely and they jump off the crumbling shape of the colossal titan. Without Bertolt at its nape to power it, the enormous body is starting to disappear already.

Armin can tell Hange is itching to understand why Bertolt's titan is so much faster to disappear than Eren's or any non intelligent one, and is planning about 500 tests and questions already.

They reach the wall and Bertolt had been insistent that he, they needed to remain under guard, avoid "rescue" from the Beast titan or that four-legged one.

_‘I don't need to know what you're going to do, we don't have time to devise a plan anyway. Just ... try to stick to the bones of what I told you.’ _

Can they really trust Bertolt? Or Reiner?

But he'd gone through the whole plan, the droplets of intel Bertolt had dropped in his hands before zipping away. Mikasa's attack-

They'd needed to make it look like they'd fought, if someone was watching and Bertolt had simply said _ 'Parry' _ before slashing his way. Slower than he'd seen Bertolt be in the past. Prompting Armin to raise his sword in defense and Mikasa to attack Bertolt.

To anyone who hadn't heard their talk... it'd probably looked like an attack.

According to plan.

Now if they could just notify Commander Erwin, if Armin could just get a chance to explain what's going on beyond a quick _ 'Bertolt and Reiner want to defect and join us, I have a plan' _

It mostly wasn't his plan but he couldn't quite tell that to the rest of the squad. Not yet.

Hange had nailed him with a doubtful look when he told them about Bertolt's declaration. "Are you sure it's not just another ruse?"

Armin had nodded nervously.

"I don't trust either of them. But if we follow this, it should put them both in our hands and in a very vulnerable state."

Swallowed, watching his still trembling hands. "I mean, who would put themselves in the hands of people that hate them without having a way to fight back?"

Even Eren had given him an uncertain look, but in the end ... they all trusted Armin's intellect. His judgement. His ability to formulate plans and make connections and see a way out of the most screwed-up and desperate situations.

Now they just need to kick Reiner's ass again. Get him out of his titan.

Where-  
Fuck, _where is he?_

Armin barely has enough time to notice Eren being flung toward them before the force of the impact makes the wall underneath their feet tremble.

It didn't miss them by much.

Eren slides down, hits the ground, but before he can quite get his feet under him, Reiner body-slams him into the wall. Hard.

Grabs Eren by the scruff of his neck and violently slams his head into dense not-stone, roaring loudly as he tilts his head up, right at them, as if to dare them to intervene.

Bertolt had wondered whether Reiner was aware enough?

Oh, he's not just _ aware. _

He's positively _ enraged._

* * *

** Reiner **

Reiner's memories are-

He remembers being on the wall with Zeke and Bertl, drinking coffee.

He remembers Pieck warning them of lights in the forest, troops headed toward Shiganshina.

He remembers Bertl-  
His promise.

No, focus. That had been weeks before, when Ymir had-

When they'd-

Why... why does he remember so little of what had happened after Bertl and him had separated?

He had... hidden in the wall. That had been the plan, right? Zeke's plan. For when the Corps would finally head to Shiganshina.

But then- 

A sword through his neck, sharp pain in his chest-   
Captain Levi's eyes glaring at him, demanding he _ die already _-

Then-  
Then what?

He sits up, surveys the ruin and desolation surrounding him. Feels the ground vibrate and-

Bertl's titan, slowly getting up.

_‘Sorry to ask you that but could you move a bit? I'm going to blow up the whole area.’ _

Bertl's voice? 

_‘If you can't, I'm sorry. Brace yourself.’ _

But when had he said that?

Nothing is making any sense.

But Bertl's here and... Eren's right over there, headed straight toward Bertl's currently colossal form.

Reiner might not have any memory of what had happened that'd left him so weak and missing hours, but fuck if he's letting anyone attack his partner.

* * *

Bertl is-

They-  
They'd-

_How dare they. _

He roars, furious. _ He won't let them. _

Eren twitches, tries to move and Reiner slams him once more into the hard immovable surface of Wall Maria.

Shoulder to the collarbone and plexus, bashing his back and nape into the wall. It's not a direct hit but it should be enough to hurt the idiot inside the titan.

Keep him quiet a bit longer.

Until Reiner can figure out how to save Bertl.

He doesn't have the strength left to harden his hands or feet again (had he done it before?), which leaves climbing out.

The people who took Bertl are out of reach but if he can throw something and hit them this time-

Bertl will survive the fall.

But the tiny silhouettes suddenly rush past him. He's quick enough that he manages to grab one, but all that stays in his hand is a green cloak, the person covered in it freeing and righting themselves, following the other two.

They're all swarming up ahead, taking Bertl away-

_Like hell. _

No-one gets to hurt Bertl and walk away. Even less _ take him away. _

Reiner snarls, releasing the built up steam in his body before giving chase.

_No, you don't. _

He'll hunt them down, to the coasts of Paradis, and beyond if it came to it.

A clinking sound, an explosion and suddenly his knee gives out.

What?

How-  
How had that happened? The Corps weapons shouldn't be able to hurt him in any way. Not through the armor of his titan.

They move closer, slowly surrounding him, waiting for an opening.

He can't move properly but he'll take as many of them down with him as he can.

Give Bertl a better chance when he'll wake up.

If he is to die here... he won't go easy on his enemies.

* * *

** Armin **

Armin sighs in relief, hands trembling with suppressed terror. Trying to escape Reiner had brought back the shaking of his hands.

But Captain Hange had only lost a cloak, gained a new cut to the cheek before escaping the Armored titan's clutches. Mikasa had covered Armin as he zipped away, Bertolt held securely in his arms.

They'd successfully acquired one of their two targets.

Alive.

Willingly (re)joining them.

Armin wishes they could talk some sense into Reiner but-

After all, Bertolt had said- 

_‘Reiner wants to live here. Inside the walls, as a free man.’ _

None of what Bertolt had said had been a lie so far, so Reiner should want to give up the fight, to join them as well.

Instead, he's angrily lunging, trying to hit them, reach them-

Is he-

Armin's brows twitch, he glances at Bertolt, eyes widening.

Is Reiner trying to get to Bertolt?

Up until Jean had blown his knee out from behind, Reiner had been running straight toward Armin and Mikasa.

Toward Bertolt.

He must have seen them tear the other titan shifter out of the Colossal titan's nape, if the already mostly gone gigantic steaming corpse had not given it away anyway.

Mikasa and Hange join him on the roof and he can see Eren (?) zipping and running their way along roofs and through empty streets. Did he seal the hole?

There's the sound of flare guns being fired on the other side of the wall. What's going on over there?

Not now.

Focus, that can wait.

He'll just have to trust them to do their part, just like they've been trusted to do theirs.

Reiner drags himself forward, hands and his working leg push-pulling. He doesn't move by much with each pull, but Armin would bet that even if they destroyed his arms and legs, the ex-cadet would still find a way to keep moving toward his objective.

Reiner snarls, eyes fixated and suddenly Armin's hands are empty-

"Hange!"

The Captain has a blade to Bertolt's throat, a thin smile stretched madly on usually broadly smiling lips. Glaring at the Armored titan.

"Stop right there or I'll cut him open!"

Reiner does stop then, and Armin notices how close he'd gotten to the fork in the street, the very roof they've been catching their breath on. 

When had he gotten so close?

Reiner snarls, blown knee steadily steaming, head following the movements on the roofs around him, but Armin can tell he's only buying time, subtly testing the state of his knee and stealing glances to make sure-

That Bertolt is still right there.  
Almost within reach.

"Wait!"

Armin surges forward, crouching before the shifter in their custody. If Reiner gets a hold of Bertolt... all of this will have been for nothing.

And Reiner won't _ listen. _

Not to them.

But he'll listen to Bertolt.

Maybe.   
Probably.   
Hopefully.

"Bertolt!" He shakes him a bit, "Come on, you said you wanted to help, so help us!" He considers slapping him-

Armin can see Bertolt's brows twitch, the muscles of his jaw and throat play under his skin before Bertolt's eyes slit open, faded green trying to focus.

Armin steps aside, letting Reiner's titan come into view. It's like throwing cold water onto someone who's not expecting it.

Bertolt's whole body twitches, as if trying to move, sit, do _ something _ before relaxing into Hange's hold again, expression pained and betrayed. They might have cut his limbs too short when they'd cut him out.

There's still so much they don't know.

The ex-cadet sighs.

"Reiner."

There's no way Reiner could have heard the oh-so-soft, tired call, not with all the shouting and people running on roofs and the thundering explosions in the distance.

Still, his head snaps, whole body coming to attention and there's- Fuck, Armin's never heard a titan produce a sound so close to a whine before. He didn't even know it was possible.

"It's okay," Bertolt continues, eyes closing for a moment as he fights to keep his head upright, to not just let it loll on Hange's shoulder. "I'm okay."

Reiner glances around and brings his hand up, curls it over his heart in a _ fucking salute _, just as Eren finally lands on the roof, near Armin.

"Yeah." Bert exhales, winces as he tries to shift position and it apparently backfires.

Somehow, Bertolt understands what Reiner is saying and Reiner is listening to him.

That's good... right?

Reiner brings his hand to his head, makes a weird gesture, as if pushing something away, before bringing his other hand to circle his bicep.

"No. We're not."

The exchange is ... mesmerizing. Worrying too. Armin can only grasp half of the conversation and he's not sure he's decrypting the rest correctly.

Reiner seems to be thinking, letting out an exhale. He then brings his hand back to rest on his heart, but not in a salute, and gently punches the ground with his closed fist, gaze fixated on Bertolt's form.

"I promised, didn't I." And what is that supposed to mean?

Whatever it does mean prompts Reiner's head to snap up and look at the top of the walls. Searching.

To suddenly bow it back down, offering his neck-

Flesh and armor parting on their own to reveal-

Reiner's face is a mess, teeth showing here and there, skin not covering him completely, hair patchy. But then again, they'd blown it off and the mere fact that it's back is bringing a shiver down Armin's spine. 

How much damage would it take to kill a titan shifter exactly?

"Cut me out. Hurry!" 

_What? _

But Mikasa's moving already, cutting him out of the nape of his titan, slicing through limbs and carrying him to the roof they're on, dropping him like a bag of potatoes.

The Armored titan slumps forward, flesh and bones slowly starting to turn into steam as Reiner's wounds stop bleeding and start smoking instead.

"Armin." Bertolt. Armin's tears his gaze from the now empty titan and is met with a tired but determined set of eyes.

"Don't let them take us back."

_‘If they have a chance to, they'll try to 'rescue' us. You'll have to make sure they can't.’ _

"Please." Bertolt exhales, exhaustion winning over his battle for consciousness.

Armin nods.

It's also in their interest to not let Reiner or Bertolt (or both) fall back into their enemies hands.

A short talk with Hange later, they all move.

Somewhere neither the Beast titan or that four-legged one will be able to get to?

He's got just the place.


	3. Promises

**Bertolt**

Voices.  
There's voices-

No, just one...?

Bertolt fights to open his eyes, and is met with near darkness.

"Don't come any closer!"

Wood, shapes he can't quite make out in the dark. Light, streaming from his left.

His head _throbs._

Why does it hurt so much?

Bertolt remembers being cut out and his limbs are stinging, burning as they heal but his head shouldn't hurt like-

Like he's missing most of his body.

His titan?

Is he-

Bertolt focuses and forces his awareness back to the limits of his body, feeling every bruise and hurt, every inch of skin and scratch of clothes.

The pounding ache recedes, rapidly fading. He guesses it makes sense. He's never been cut out of his titan before. But he'd always pull himself back into his own human skin before parting with his titan one. When he'd do it on his own.

He hadn't realized-

The phantom feedback of a missing 60m body is nothing to laugh at.

"Bertolt."

Bertolt blinks owlishly, turning his head toward that voice. 

The light is blinding.

There's a door, leading to stairs that lead up to light. Someone by the door, with a sword in their hand. Green cloak, green glinting on their face.

... Eren?

Another shape up the stairs, outside, big and four legged, with something-someone on its back. Her back.

Pieck.

He'd recognize her titan anywhere.

But who-  
Zeke?  
Why isn't he-

"Bertolt," and yeah, that's definitely Zeke's voice, though he sounds more strained than Bertolt's ever heard him be, "Where's Reiner?"

Bertolt's eyes widen.

_ Where is Reiner? _  
Fuck, he has no clue.

Wait wait, he remembers seeing him.  
In his titan.  
Out of it.  
They'd talked-

Bertolt had reassured him that they didn't have to go back, that he'd found a way for them to stay.

Then Mikasa had-  
She'd-

Reiner should be... somewhere safe...?

Bertolt squints, looks around him and, yeah, there's a shape nearby that could be Reiner but... it's too dark for him to be sure.

It could be Reiner.  
It could be a forgotten sack of potatoes.

Bertolt looks back up, hearing more than seeing the disappointment on Zeke's face, in the little sigh he lets out, the way he slumps on himself.

"I'm sorry to say that, but looks like this is the end for you two." Bertolt chews on his lip, letting some fear show on his face.

"Captain-" He rasps.

Eren's head snaps his way. Bertolt is worried, stressed and uncertain, but not about being left here. 

After what Pieck had told him-

His promise to Reiner-

He doesn't want Zeke to ruin any of his hard work. Getting everything to work out the way he'd wanted had been hard enough as it was, he really didn't need their (ex)captain to decide he had a heart all of sudden. Or that they were worth lingering any longer.

The man despises weakness. Sacrifice without meaning. And the list is probably much longer, but it's not like Bertolt knows that much about him. 

If Zeke could have saved either of them, both of them without compromising the mission, he would have. No matter what.  
Their captain, in his own ways, can be caring for the rest of his "squad". "His" warriors.

But Bertolt also knows Zeke would rather crush them in his bare hands, end their existence himself than let them fall in the hands of the people of Paradis. 

If there was time for it.

It's a gamble.

Whether Zeke will transform again, whether he'll take the time.

There's too much Bertolt doesn't know.

Why is only Eren here?  
Where's the rest of the Survey Corps?  
What happened on the other side of wall Maria?

Why isn't Zeke in his titan?

Bertolt did his best to set the pieces on the board, to position everything and ensure the desired outcome, but now, he can only watch as they move on their own.

Sound, to his right, and movement. Reiner's still patchy head flops on his shoulder and Bertolt's focus jumps from their situation to Reiner.

He can hear Zeke speak again as he brings his bicep up to check Reiner's pulse. A strong but slow heartbeat.

He's alive.

Zeke tsks.

Bertolt looks back up, in time to see Pieck turn around- "Come on, Levi, let's call it a draw. Neither of us is in any shape to continue fighting." The mutter edges on a grumble.

What? Is Captain Levi here?

The strong limbs of Pieck's titan make the ground tremble as she starts off to a run. Dust or dirt flies down from the ceiling, but more importantly-

Reiner face-plants in his lap. Grunts, quiet and not quite conscious yet. Shit, Bertolt wants to pass his hands over Reiner's face, the part grew back and the stubborn jaw that remained intact despite the Corps attack.

He needs hands.  
Arms.

If he concentrates, directs the tingling, makes it focus on the stumps of his arms-

Bertolt lets his head fall back, ignores the hard edge of whatever he's propped against that digs insistently in his back, listening intently as the heavy footsteps fade in the distance. Turns his gaze to Eren, to the open hostility on his face.

"Is he gone?" Bertolt asks, searching the sudden surprise on the other titan shifter's face.

Eren seems at a loss for a moment, then composes himself, nods sharply. "Looks like it." Eyes going from the stairs, to Bertolt, Reiner's crumpled form, then back again, as he spits the words out angrily.

What's new.  
When has Eren-  
Has Eren ever not been angry?

Bertolt sighs in relief, feeling the tenseness, the stress leave his body. "Thank fuck."

Finally.

_ Finally. _

"Are-" Eren starts saying something but the sound of zip-lines, of someone sliding close cuts him off.

Levi comes into view, expression murderous, freeing his blades off his gear before he's even come to a full stop.

"I'm out of gas and blades! Hurry up, give me yours!" Eren scrambles forward, fighting with the catches, the latches as he hurries to follow the order.

Bertolt follows the exchange, the way they work, half hurried fumble, half rapid efficiency, before he closes his eyes and just ... breathes.

They're free. 

Free to stay here, at least.

The rest-

He guesses there will be a trial. Punishment, for their actions.

He's prepared to take it all upon himself.

He's the Colossal titan.

If he hadn't kicked the gate, Reiner wouldn't have been able to destroy the inner one.  
If he hadn't kicked the gate, Annie wouldn't have been able to guide the ravenous masses inside the walls.  
If he hadn't kicked the gate, thousands of people would still be alive. The people of Paradis wouldn't have been pushed back to Wall Rose.  
Eren, Armin, and so many of their friends wouldn't have lost their families.  
Marco wouldn't have had to die by Annie's hand, under Reiner's order. 

If he hadn't kicked the gate that day....

Marley would have had their heads.  
His father, their families, would have been executed.  
Others would have come, their replacements, and Wall Maria would have fallen anyway.  
Marcel's sacrifice would have been in vain.

Bertolt doesn't regret his actions.

There's nothing else he could have done.

Nothing to regret.

He sighs, reopens his eyes, watching the ceiling without seeing it, listening to the shuffling outside, the lines being fired, the sound of gas being released forcefully, before looking back down and meeting _gold._

Reiner's awake.

His eyes are more light brown than true gold but in this light- 

"You okay?" His partner murmurs, bringing the stump of his arm up to try and reach, before noticing that said arm _is_ a stump and therefore way too short to reach for anything, and letting it back down with a huff.

Bertolt smiles a bit. "Yeah, I'm okay." His eyes roam over Reiner's form, the patches of visible muscle and bone that should be healed already. "You?"

Reiner's observing Bertolt's smoking form as well. "Mmh." Golden flickers back to Bertolt's face. "I don't... remember much after we went our separate ways." Worry flicks over his face but he seems to steel himself. "I remember... bits and pieces. I heard your voice. That's about it. What happened?"

Bertolt wants to let his head loll back, escape the questioning look, those golden eyes. He sighs, looks away for a moment, bringing back the event of the past hour (hours?) back before letting gold capture him again.

"You howled, used the signal. Zeke threw the barrel over Shiganshina." 

Reiner nods. "As planned."

Bertolt grimaces. "I ... didn't transform as I was coming down." There's an intensity to Reiner's gaze, there always was, but it's one thing to see it turned toward others. Having it search his face, read the smallest twitch and changes is an entirely different experience. 

Bertolt swallows, his usual avoidance creeping back up, the skin at the back of his neck and nape crawling with the need to hide, to fade back into the shadows. He focuses on a patch of hair on his partner's head, that's slowly but stubbornly spreading, growing back to the length and thickness it should have never stopped being.

"I was about to," he continues, in a hushed voice. "Then I saw you. You were out of your titan, completely exposed and I-" Breathe, don't forget to breathe. When his voice comes out again, it sounds small and weak, and he can't find it in himself to care about it right now. "There was so much smoke. I didn't even know if you were still alive. I had to make sure, had to do something-"

Reiner shifts on his thigh, bumps his head to Bertolt's hip, gaze still incandescent, burning with emotion. "Breathe, Bertl. You won't be rid of me so easy." 

A joke.

Support.   
Love.

"Sorry." He tries for a smile but he can feel it's shaky. Reiner bumps his head again, huffs softly, "Don't apologize, you idiot. I'm trying to cheer you up."

Bertolt's smile is less shaky, more honest this time. "Sorry." He's trying to blink back tears of relief and exhaustion and joy. He doesn't want Reiner to get more worried about him than he already is. Reiner huffs again, more out of tiredness than anything else.

There's a commotion outside, the sound of zip-lines, shouts and calls. Bertolt had been distantly aware of Eren's presence, their comrade (in more ways than one) listening in on their discussion, edging down the stairs slowly, as if not to spook them. But the noise pulls him back outside, his voice adding itself to the cacophony.

Reiner lets his head rest against his hip and Bertolt wants to comfort him, curl around him and tell him they're fine, they're okay now.  
That he'll make sure Reiner can have this life he wants.

Even if it means giving his own life up.

Bertolt exhales, reaching for that place in his mind where everything seems fine, where things are clear and the actions needed to reach certain goals are easy to see.

"I came down to check on you," He continues quietly, watching, half wondering what Reiner sees on his face exactly. "Your head-" he points with his wrist (he's got wrists again, that's nice) brushing it gently near Reiner's ear, where his jaw hinges. "Everything above here was missing."

Reiner blinks, surprise and realization dawning on his face. "Oh." Then he frowns. "How? Wasn't I in my titan? The armor-" His frown deepens.

"I don't know. You were still tied to your titan when I arrived, but your nape was open and it didn't look ... sliced." Reiner seems to be thinking about it, his eyes staring at something beyond Bertolt, remembering for a moment before he comes back, looking thoughtful.

"When they cut you out of your titan," he says slowly, words measured, "I went after them. But ... something blew my titan's knee off. Some kind of ... explosion." Bertolt nods slowly. "Guess they found a way to get through your armor."

"Guess so." Silence stretches between, disturbed only by the voices and noises outside. Reiner's eyes find his face again, quieter but just as intense as before. "What happened then?"

Bertolt swallows, staring at some indefinite shape in the darkness of the room they're in. "I talked to you, said-"

"That you needed me to move." Reiner's staring at his hip as if it'd wronged him, brows furrowed. "That you were going to blow the area up."

"You remember that?" 

"Mmh. That's all I remember between us parting on the wall, Captain Levi putting a sword through my neck and waking up to your titan being there." Golden eyes watching him and Bertolt can feel his cheeks heat up, his ears burning bright.

He's suddenly thankful for the darkness.

Reiner would tease him endlessly otherwise.

"Are you blushing?" He just might. Shit. That goddamn smirk. So smug.

"N-no."

Bertolt looks away, looking back only moments later, as he feels Reiner shift on his thigh, hears muffled laughter against his hip.

"Fuck, Bertl-" More laughter, before it trails off. "I'd forgotten."

_'Yeah, I know.'_ Bertolt bites his lip, fighting to keep the words in. "I needed to buy you some time," he murmurs instead, mood soured and avoidance creeping back in. "-so you could move or heal enough that my transformation wouldn't kill you." Reiner's gaze is searching, uncertain, like he knows he just missed something but can't figure out what.

"And I'd promised that I would do my best."

"Because I didn't want to go back." Reiner adds quietly.

Bertolt nods. "I don't why but ... Armin wanted to talk." A half shrug and he lets his wrist, the beginning of a palm that grew back rest on his partner's neck. Letting that strong heartbeat soothe him. "I figure he was just trying to buy time of his own, so they could get to you. Finish you off. Surround me. Kill me before I could transform." Bertolt shrugs again. It held no importance. 

"We talked, I gave them ways to corner us, explained what we wanted, that we'd still have to fight them. Or at least, make it look like we were." Reiner hums quietly, watching him like-

"It worked. I guess...? I mean. We're here now."


	4. The truth

**Bertolt**

Bertolt can tell Reiner is about to ask something personal. It's in the crease between his brows, the way he's avoiding looking at Bertolt directly.

The sudden rush of people coming down the staircase cuts it off before it can come. They're carrying something... someone?

Someone asks for light, sounding frantic. The voice is foreign, as is the mop of unruly red(?) hair.

New recruits?

Then again between the 57th Expedition and the carnage and after, when whatever had happened in Stohes had happened...

He's not sure how many had died then. Reiner and him, along with the rest of the 104th cadets had been cooped up at the time. Kept under watch.

And then, there'd been-

That day-

Reiner flipping his shit, revealing them to the Scouts.

The ugly, terrible mess that had followed. How little the number of soldiers pursuing them had been, compared to the small army that had been massed by the gate, right before the expedition.

Bertolt has no idea how many people had died that day. He might never know. But the grass had been tainted red, he remembers that much, in his own frazzled, terrified, disjointed memories.

Candles are lit, light fills the space. Hard wood, no windows. It must be underground. Books, furniture, chairs. Old medical equipment, covered in dust, pots and boxes. Someone's basement? A doctor or pharmacist's place.

It's not something they brought down, it's definitely someone. And if he's not mistaken, with that blonde mop of hair and that missing arm? 

It can only be-

* * *

**Reiner**

Reiner wonders what he did or said that made Bertl's smile, his happiness vanish. He knows Bertl enough to know-

It might not be his fault.  
But it'd felt like it was.

He wants to ask but there's people coming in.

He wants to ask but the moment is gone, slipping through his fingers. Like so many missed opportunities.

He wants to ask but Bertl's focus is no longer on him, pale green eyes staring at, following the people that came in. And fuck, that's Commander Erwin lying there, pale and sweaty. There's blood staining his side, a lot of it and he's barely moving, chest rattling with the whisper of a breath.

They're murmuring, taking his pulse, checking his pupils. Eren looks like he doesn't know whether to be angry or panicked, Captain Hange is biting their lip, hard enough to draw blood. Most of them look lost and desperate.

Don't they realize they won?

That Bertl decided to give the Corps an easy win?

The Commander might die, and it'll be a tragedy but... he's just one man. A terrifyingly competent and driven man, for sure.

But in the end, he's as mortal as everyone else.

"He's dying, isn't he?"

Bertl? Reiner looks up. 

His partner's brows are furrowed, but his gaze is clear, focused. Determined. For all of Reiner's tactics and plans, it's often Bertl's decisions that tipped the balance one way or the other.

"What do you care?!" Eren. Bertl ignores him entirely, gaze locked with Hange's. They stare at each other for a moment, Eren almost vibrating in the space between them, then Hange answers, "Yes. Levi's trying to catch the Beast titan still, so we might be able to save him." Gaze not leaving Bertl for a second.

Bertl hums. "Is he wounded in a single place?"

He can't be suggesting-

Hange blinks a few times, seemingly caught off guard by the question. "Ah. It looks to be, yes."

Bertl sighs, letting his head hit the wood behind him with an audible thump. "Eren. Drop some of your blood into his wound."

Fuck, Bertl is serious. They're not even sure that will work on someone who isn't-

One of them.

Another titan shifter.

Eren hesitates, visibly torn between disbelief, faint hope and ever present anger. "What?"

Bertl's lashes flutter and Reiner can feel how the thigh under his head tenses, though Bertl's face remains perfectly civil and calm.

His partner raises the wrist and slowly reforming hand he'd had on Reiner's throat. "I'd offer to do it myself, but-" He waves the stump a bit. "It won't work."

Hange glances between the two of them, back to Erwin, before settling on Bertl. "What will it do?"

"It won't save him." He replies, his eyes fleeting to the crumpled form of the Commander as well. "But it will help."

Eren is looking back and forth, as if wanting to interrupt or complain but not finding the space, the time or the words needed.

It's somewhat hilarious to watch.

Some red head intervenes. "Why would you consider that? They're the enemy!" Who the _fuck_\- Reiner can't remember ever seeing that guy before.

"They defected," Armin provides quietly, trying to look sure of himself. "They're on our side now. Both of them." His gaze finds Reiner's, and Reiner can see how uncertain and worried Armin is, before the cadet steels himself, staring the annoying red head down.

There's tension in the air, so thick it may as well be steam, slowly choking everyone.

"Do it, Eren." Hange decides, gaze still locked with Bertl's. Eren bites his lip but obeys, stalking toward the Commander and biting on his hand harshly.

Blood gushes, trickles down.

Steam follows, just as fast and the wound must close because Eren bites on his hand, again.

And again.

Looking more and more frustrated. Reiner looks at the ceiling, staring at a knot in the wood without seeing it.

"It's not working!" Sounding frustrated, too.

Reiner huffs, eyes closing and digs out the memory of the first time he'd ever done that, when Marcel's leg had been taken out by artillery. "Don't focus on your hand. Push the pain out of your head, focus the sting down the flow of blood. Trick your body into thinking your wound's down there."

He reopens his eyes to look at Bertl, smiling a bit at the surprise on his partner's face. "That's how you described it, right?"

* * *

**Bertolt**

Bertolt is happily surprised that Reiner remembers how to do this, how to explain it to someone who'd never done it before. Feels his lips quirk up a smidge when Reiner's eyes open again to look at him, gold soft and inviting.

"You remembered." He murmurs, stomping on the urge to hug Reiner to his chest and hide them both into the ribs of his titan.

"Of course," Reiner seems almost offended for a beat before his expression darkens, his gaze staring at Bertolt's shoulder before it returns to his face. "I'm... trying. Sorry, I know I've fucked up a lot since we got here." Uncertain gold searching for reassurance.

Bertolt's phalanges (his hands are almost done healing, that's great) curl up to cup Reiner's jaw, right where it hinges, as Reiner's eyes close. "I'm trying to do better, okay?"

There's sounds of relief and victory, somewhere beyond Reiner's healing body, but Bertolt ignores it.

"You're fine. I've got your back, remember?" His partner's eyes snap open again, watching him with startled emotion. 

"You've got my back." Reiner blinks the stray tears at the corners of his eyes and nods resolutely, determination finding its way back onto his face. "And I've got yours. I won't let you down again."

Better. 

That's more like the Reiner he knows. The one he'd follow to the depths of hell. The one he'd give up his life, his dreams for.

"Bertl." Bertolt blinks slowly. "I promise. I won't fuck up again."

_ Don't make promises you can't keep. _

_ Your head's such a mess, you might not even remember this conversation. _

A part of him wants to say those things, the terrible hurtful things he's kept in all this time but it would shatter the intense, driven gaze that's waiting for him. The heart bared for him. Waiting. Reiner's waiting for him. For his answer.

He's always been waiting for him, hasn't he? Whenever Bertolt wasn't there already, of course.

"Okay." Bertolt whispers, feeling his ears burn when Reiner lets out a relieved exhale and presses his forehead back to his hip. "Thanks, Bertl."

He'd give his life up for this idiot. Happily so.

Shit.

When had that happened?

When had things changed to-

Steps coming close and Armin crouches nearby, hands holding his knees, that apologetic but curious expression his face. "Hey, Bertolt." Bertolt hums, pushing the need to curl around Reiner and never let go away. "What's up with your legs?"

Oh. That.

"I wanted my arms to heal first... so my body healed them first."

It pulls Captain Hange to them, of course, and honest curiosity is visible on the faces of both soldiers.

"But Eren never managed to control his healing."

Bertolt fidgets, uncomfortable under the attention. "I just know how to do it." He murmurs, "It's nothing special." Annie knows how to do it as well. Without sharing that knowledge with each other, they'd learned.

But... that's not the answer they're looking for, is it?

"Who taught you?" There's nothing aggressive to the questions. It does nothing to make him feel better.

"No-one." The staring is making his skin crawl. "I just know. I've always known." Can't they go elsewhere and leave him alone? He has no better explanation for them. There's things he just knows. Like how his titan works, how to use their blood to heal each other, and... other things.

Things he shouldn't know. Names and faces. Places he's never been to. Battles he's never fought.

Just as he knows how to heal with blood, he knows how he knows, where all those memories are coming from.

The previous bearers of the Colossal titan.

The ever growing number of people that sacrificed their lives for something bigger than themselves.

He's also aware that Reiner and Annie never had that much knowledge. Neither had Marcel or Pieck, as far as Bertolt knows. Or Zeke for that matter. But he doesn't know why.

Why he is the only one to ... remember.

That's just the way it is.

Captain Hange seems to have gathered there wouldn't be more answers and is checking on Commander Erwin. Armin is still there, patiently waiting. He's sitting now though.

"Sorry." Bertolt offers, making Armin turn his head back to look at him.

The cadet grimaces, looking apologetic for some reason. "I'm sorry we cut your limbs too short when we cut you out." That's-

Bertolt smiles tentatively, shaking his head. "It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. It was my fault."

Armin seems surprised but before he can continue, someone tsks angrily.

"He escaped." Captain Levi. He's still drenched in steaming blood and looks murderous. "That four legged titan is fucking fast."

His gaze finally finds Bertolt and he frowns, body moving, readying himself to attack again. Bertolt's fingers grip a bit tighter and Reiner gives a sleepy grunt in reply.

He looks down in surprise, and well, Reiner must have fallen asleep at some point, head comfortably pillowed on Bertolt's thigh, forehead still pressed to his hip.

He's gotta be exhausted, to fall asleep in such a situation.

Shit, Captain Levi-

But Hange has redirected the soldier toward Erwin's crumpled form. There seems to be an argument but their voices are hushed and indistinct. Silence falls suddenly, the two captains glaring at each other over the body of their Commander.

"Hey, brat. Did you find what your key goes to."

A key? Eren seems to know what Captain Levi is talking about because he gets back on his feet. "N-not yet, Captain!"

"Then get searching already. All of you, quit standing around." There's no doubt it's an order and the soldiers get moving. As they search the basement, opening books, moving objects and going over every nook and cranny of the place, Captain Levi comes back to them.

"Why don't I just have Erwin eat one of you and keep the other to interrogate and get information out of?"

"Levi-" Hange tries to intervene but Bertolt shrugs a shoulder, meeting that glare with a flat stare of his own.

"If you do that, you should kill us both. You won't get anything out of either of us if the other's dead. Or eaten." He pauses, taking a beat to take the measure of how far along Reiner's healing is. "And whichever one of us doesn't get eaten, whichever one you kill, his titan will end up in the hands of your enemy again. And in a year at most, they'll be back. And they'll be prepared." He looks up again, calmly staring death in the eye. "You want to kill us, go on. But that's what will happen."

The captain's brows furrow even further, annoyance setting itself deep on his face. "Tch." He turns around, shoving Eren aside and joining the search.

Hange sighs in relief, sitting by them. "Phew! That was tense." Bertolt shrugs again. "Come on, that didn't scare you?"

He knows what Hange's doing. He's seen Marleyan policemen, soldiers, officers, any of them with an inch of power do it more times than he can count. "I've seen worse." Bertolt curls his fingers into the finer hair of Reiner's neck then stops. 

Fingertips and nails.

His hands are done healing. 

Which means-

Yeah, his legs are about to regrow knees, the sting, the steam denser there, now that his body is done with his arms.

Hange is observing him, measuring, calculating. Waiting for details.

Bertolt exhales, letting his fingers draw shapes on Reiner's skin. "Where we're from. I've seen, been threatened of worse." He shrugs again.

Hange seems surprised, but before the Captain can ask-

"Eren!" They both look in the direction of Mikasa. She's kneeling near the desk, looking at one of the drawers. "There's a keyhole here."

Eren scuttles from where he'd been going through some of the books, near Captain Levi. Takes the key out, looking ... anxious?

Why-

The lock clicks, the drawer opens. At the angle he's at, Bertolt can't see what's inside the drawer but it doesn't matter, because after fumbling with the drawer, they take the contents of it out, splaying them on the desk.

It looks like-

"Books?" Eren seems uncertain.

Captain Levi hums. "Erwin's hunches are rarely wrong. This must be what we came for."

The small group massed around the desk exchange looks but there seems to be some unspoken agreement to let Eren open the book first.

He hesitates but Mikasa adds her hand to his and they flip the book open.

A moment passes.

"A portrait?" Inside the book?

Eren pulls something out of the book, and it may have been five years since he last saw one of those, but that's no portrait.

A photography.

Someone brought a photography inside the walls of Paradis.

"Let me see." Hange observes the photography before shaking their head. "It's too detailed to have been done by hand." Mikasa points at the back of the picture. "That's Dr Yeager's handwriting."

Captain Hange turns the picture around and starts reading. "This is no illustration. This is obtained by reflecting light and chemically burning the captured image on a special paper. This is called a photography. I come from a place where humanity lives in luxury. Humanity beyond the walls has not perished. I can only hope a fellow patriot will be the one to get their hands on these volumes." Hange pauses, eyes going straight to Bertolt and he stills as the rest of them follow the Captain's stare.

Bertolt swallows, nodding slowly. "Yes. It's true. Reiner, me. Annie. The others. We all come from a place beyond the walls. Beyond the sea." They seem taken aback. What were they expecting? Armin mutters something under his breath, looking excited, fighting off a grin.

"Does that mean-"

He grimaces. "They sent us to destroy your walls." To kill you all, to retrieve the Founding titan.

They hate you all, us all, hate our kind, what we can do.

Captain Levi and Hange exchange a look and Hange sighs. "So humanity survived. And they don't like us inside the walls very much?"

That's a nice way to put it.


	5. Long is the night

**Bertolt**

After promises of answering any questions the Survey Corps, the military, the king or, whoever would be the one(s) to be in charge of something this big, might have about the outside world, (as long as Bertolt has the answers to said questions) they get moving again. Bertolt doesn't have legs yet and Reiner is still passed out, so they're carried on top of the wall, along with the rest of the wounded.

Once the sun has set, they'll head back to wall Rose but until then...

A group of soldiers is trying to dismantle a cart that was left behind when humanity fled so it may be reconstructed outside of Shiganshina. There's more than a couple of wounded, some of which wouldn't survive the ride back. Sasha got hit mid-air by flying roof tiles, blown away by the blast of Bertolt's transformation. Her life's not in danger, but she's not the one in the worst shape.

Another group is going through the battlefield, looking for more survivors. They're supposed to be firing flares every time they find someone. There's been a few flares tainting the sky but no more than a couple.

From what Armin had told him, the Beast titan had all but wiped them all out. Bertolt knows Zeke had planned to try and thin them out, but their captain had figured at least some of the soldiers would climb back on the wall, or hide in the city.

Guess he'd been wrong.

According to Captain Levi, Commander Erwin had led some sort of suicidal charge against the Beast titan, to buy Levi enough time and cover his approach as he closed in on his target.

It's not the kind of move anyone outside of Paradis would go with. It reminds him of an old book, where trapped soldiers, surrounded by a gigantic army had rode out of their castle, trying to take as many enemies out as possible before they went out.

Bertolt doesn't remember how that story had ended. 

Or if his father had actually had the time to finish reading it to him before he'd embarked for Paradis. 

It's ... been a while.

Years.

And even then, his father's health-

Bertolt distractedly checks Reiner's pulse again. His partner had stirred when the Corps had moved them, grumbling unhappily, probably at losing his comfy cushion.

But he'd fallen asleep again as soon as they'd gotten settled again, cushioned on Bertolt's thigh once more. 

The strong but slow heartbeat pulses under his fingers. Reassuring. Soothing.

Bertolt exhales, feeling some tension leave him. Reiner's regeneration is slower than it should be and it's ... worrying. But his heart beats strong and he's resting.

And Bertolt won't let any more harm come to him.

Not until he's healed. Rested. He wants it to be never, but knowing that idiot... it's wishful thinking.

But until then... until they get moving again... there's not much to be done. No-one to talk to.

He's left out of whatever discussion the Captains are having, or the other talk the people he'd called comrades at one point are having even further away, massed around Sasha's lying form, Eren and Jean seemingly on the edge of fighting each other.

Some things don't change.

The shadows have been getting longer, the wind blows strong.

His hands are itching with the need to do something, almost as much as his ankles are itching with the sting of steam as they slowly regrow feet.

There's just-

Nothing.

Nothing to keep his brain from echoing, nothing to keep memories that aren't his from bubbling to the surface.

It's not the place or the time for his head to get filled of things that will barely make sense to his own self. To recall places long gone, people long dead.

His fingers curl into Reiner's hair, nails scratching the freshly reformed scalp.

He wishes they'd be as annoyingly lively as they normally would. Bright and full of life. Pestering him, asking questions, threatening him. Talking, joking, making him blush or squirm with how uncomfortable he'd get.

Anything.

Any kind of distraction would be welcome.

He looks around, observes the search team, the wagon team, that is carefully dragging the dismantled cart over the wall, piece by piece. The recon team, that's patrolling around, checking for signs of incoming titans.

The captains-

Pale green meets steel grey.Or is it blue so pale it might as well be grey? He never could tell.

Commander Erwin's frowning in confusion, staring at him like he's a bad dream or an hallucination. "Where-"

"On the wall. Squad's working out transportation for the wounded. We're waiting for the sun to set, then we'll get on our way back." Bertolt offers, latching onto the unexpected distraction.

Erwin blinks a few times, eyes slowly taking in his surroundings. "We."

Right. Bertolt can still feel the Commander's eyes on him, even as he avoids the confused gaze and looks back down to his partner.

"Well. We're on your side now." _I guess._ He glances toward Erwin, happily noticing the light grey eyes are staring at the sky. "So. We won."

"Yes." _For now_. Until Marley returns.

"The hole?"

"Sealed. Both of them, actually."

Boots stomp on not-stone as the two captains come closer. Erwin takes a moment before noticing their presence. His eyes leave Bertolt and his voice is quieter when he asks, "The basement? Did we-"

"Yeah. I'll tell you all about it when you're no longer on the verge of dying." Captain Levi replies, managing to make it sound like a threat. Somehow.

It makes the Commander smile and relax, eyes closing, a fond expression on his face. "I should rest then."

"Go the fuck back to sleep already, Erwin. Don't make me knock you out." Amusement flickers on Erwin's face before it smooths out into sleep, exhaustion pulling him back under.

Captain Levi stares at him for a long moment as if he's expecting the Commander to be faking it.

But said Commander is snoring quietly.

The Captains resume their discussion, in hushed tones. They're considering whether to have the cart ride with them or up on the wall, all the way to the west. Or the east. It'll be easier to get the cart inside wall Rose through either of those directions.

But it'd also mean splitting their forces.

And there's only a bit over twenty of them still able to fight. To protect 8 wounded soldiers, hurt to various degrees. Sasha. Commander Erwin. And, if his healing doesn't pick up, Reiner.

They'll be traveling slower with the cart and might not be able to make the full trip in one night. That's the Captains main concern, apparently.

But Levi argues that they don't have to hide their advance this time, that they can use the open roads instead of trekking through the forest, as long as they watch out for abnormals.

Is that how they'd gotten so close without being seen?

Smart.

* * *

They decide to keep everyone in a single group, to not split their forces. If there'd been more of them, things might have been different.

  
Reiner's far from healed and Bertolt's uneasy letting him ride alone in the cart. But there's no space for him in it. And there's no chance of them riding on the same horse. He doesn't need to ask to know it just _won't_ happen. 

He's got arms and legs, hands and feet, he can ride and Captain Hange decides that he should be armed as well, despite the uneasy looks that decision summons. Just in case they run into titans. Or if they don't make it to the wall before sunrise.

It amounts to the same in the end.

He changes quickly, Armin and surprisingly, Connie, helping him adjust the straps of the borrowed harness he'll be using. Boots, because his stayed in the nape of his Colossal body, and half-full rakes of blades. His gas cans are almost full, however.

It's good news.  
But it's not like it did its previous owner any good.  
Not that said owner had much of a chance, especially if they'd been on the side of the wall covered by Zeke.

Despite the blood stains and the tears, the gear's in good shape, speaking of how well it must have been cared for.

_There's_ a train of thought he doesn't want to follow.

The horses are beyond spooked, twitching at any noise that's slightly louder than the rest. But they're slowly calming down. They're of a breed that's praised for its endurance and calm, right? They'll be okay. Eventually.

The sun's done flirting with the horizon and the sky is slowly turning indigo. Not long before the recon squad returns and they all head to wall Rose.

Back inside the walls.  
Back-

Oh. 

Right.

He'd almost forgotten.

"Armin." The small soldier and Jean both turn their heads to him. His own personal 'escort'. Bertolt points to the forest of high trees they can see in the distance. "When we get near it, would you mind us doing a detour over there?"

Jean sneers. "Forgot something?"

"Yes." Bertolt nods slowly. "We couldn't let our Captain get his hands on it."

Jean and Armin exchange a look. As Armin trots to notify the Captains and ask for permission, Jean stares, brows furrowed. It takes him a moment but he finally asks whatever question had him staring for so long.

"How long have you guys been planning this exactly?"

Bertolt blinks slowly. " 'This' ?" It could mean a lot of things but- "You mean planning to join the Scouts again if we could?"

Jean rolls his eyes, makes an annoyed sound that somewhere between a snort and a snarl. "What else? We're not talking about a fucking date here, Hoover."

Jean and his way with words.

Bertolt sighs. "Around the time we tried to kidnap Eren." Jean jerks, looking startled. "We escaped and once we were safe, once we had some time to think and breathe, we ... talked. Our Captain wasn't going to show up for some time anyway, so we used that time to figure out what to do next." Bertolt shakes his head, eyes finding the top of Reiner's head in the wagon. "What we wanted to do, not just ... what was expected of us."

"Wait wait _wait._ You guys have been planning to rejoin us for almost _three months_?"

Has it been that long? "I guess."

Jean hisses, grabbing him by the shirt. "Then why haven't you?" His hands are trembling. "So many of our comrades would still be alive if you guys had just made up your fucking minds !" Jean's voice is low and furious.

What-  
Is he serious? Doesn't he understand?

Bertolt grips Jean's wrist with one hand, putting enough strength into it to startle the soldier. "Jean," he says, keeping his voice calm, "what do you think happens to the families of traitors?"

There's that look of startled, surprised confusion on Jean's face, the one he gets whenever someone makes him realize something he had not taken into account. His grip on Bertolt's shirt falters.

"You have-"

"Bertolt!" Armin cuts them off as he returns, frowning at the hold they have on each other, "... is everything alright?"

Bertolt frees his wrist and Jean jerks it back to himself with a glare that's as angry as it's confused.

"Yes." Bertolt replies, "Just ..." He's not sure what to call it. A disagreement? Accusations? Reproaches? Bertolt shrugs a shoulder, watching the retreating hooves of Jean's horse.

"Anyway..." Armin's gaze goes from him to Jean, and back, clearly uncertain of what had happened, "Hange agreed on us going there. Captain Levi will come along as well."

There's an unspoken 'to make sure nothing bad happens' that's both comforting, for protection, he guesses and a threat. Bertolt nods. "Okay."

It's more than fair.  
It's not like they'd done much to win their trust.  
They did what they had to do. He can't expect much better.

It's already a small miracle that they'd let them live. Could be that they just don't know how to kill a titan shifter.

Yet.  
But-

Wouldn't he be in chains, or unconscious, kept unable to do anything, if there wasn't some attempt from the Captains to meet him, _them_ halfway. To see if he really meant it, if they could be trusted.

To some extent.

At least until they reach wall Rose.

* * *

They ride mostly in silence, focused on spotting titans.

They left before the rest of the Corps, so they could double back and meet them on the way.

It means some titans might still be active. But not for much longer. And the only ones that could move around at night were the ones injected with Zeke's spinal fluid directly anyway.

Zeke, who is probably already on his way back to Marley by now. Especially with Pieck's protective instincts and the fact that this battle had cost Marley two of its Titans.

This whole mission had cost them four Titans out of the seven it originally had.

A hard price to pay for a failed expedition.

Bertolt knows the war with the Middle-East is starting to pick up in strength, Pieck told him as such. Among other things. They were supposed to finish this and head back. End the war before it could really start. Between the Armored titan and the Colossal one, it would have been more than enough to crush Marley's enemies.

That-

What is Marley's next move going to be?

"Hey, brat." Bertolt looks up. He'd been thinking so hard- "We're there."

Oh. The forest stretches toward the sky, higher than even Bertolt's titan, hiding the stars. Dark and uninviting, ready to swallow them all whole.

He hopes-

Bertolt puts his hands so his voice will carry further and shouts, "You can come out! It's safe now!"

His voice rings into his ears, and silence is his only answer.

He's not sure he was loud enough.

He's not used to shouting.

Should he-

Distant noise answers, coming their way and in the dim light of Armin's torch, he hears more than sees Captain Levi take his swords out.

The sound gets closer and the zip-lines whir and screech in protest as Ymir drops in suddenly. She crosses her arms on her chest, looking vaguely annoyed. "Hey. I heard the explosions. Can't believe you didn't invite me to the party." 

Bertolt huffs quietly and she continues. "I know I know, I'm kidding, okay? I haven't talked to anyone in months." Her voice trails into a murmur.

"You look fine." He offers. She _does_ seem to be okay. A bit thinner than when they'd parted ways, and she must have scrounged equipment, possibly clothes and rations as well. There's been enough expeditions, and enough dead soldiers out there. More than enough to feed and equip a single person.

She sends him an annoyed look, canting her hips sideways. "I'd call bullshit but... I can't check." Her frown fades into concern, her eyes glancing to Armin's happy but confused expression and Captain Levi's flat stare. 

"Ymir-" Armin starts but she cuts him off.

"Are you okay, Bertolt? The explosions went on for quite some time." And if he's not mistaken with her distrustful looks and the way her hands move to her hips, closer to the handles of her swords, she's not certain he's here of his own free will.

His lips quirk up a bit. "I'm fine. We- I guess Reiner and I are back with the Scouts." He tries to make it sound like an affirmation rather than a question. She's surprised but hides it rapidly under more annoyance. After all, she knows- "Where _is_ that asshole? Wasn't _he_ supposed to be coming to get me?"

Bertolt grimaces, looking at his hands, clenching on the reins of his horse. "He ... was pretty injured during the fight. He's with the rest of the expedition, on the way back to wall Rose." He looks back up. "We made a detour to come get you."

"I'm flattered." She replies flatly, raising a brow as she walks toward Armin. "You only brought three horses."

Armin chimes in. "That's all the horses we could spare." He seems ... nervous? "You can ride with me, if you want. I'm the smallest so-"

Ymir snorts, throwing an amused look toward the Captain but she gets behind Armin without commenting. Captain Levi sends her a dirty look but turns back to Bertolt. "Was she all we came for?"

"Yes."

Levi huffs but guides his horse away from the forest and on a trajectory that should get them close to the rest of the convoy.

* * *

**Ymir**

It takes them longer to double back and reach the convoy than it does to see it, torches and those weird lamps the Scouts seem to have found or crafted lighting the way.

The convoy moves at a moderate pace, trying to avoid bumping into a titan. Even dead asleep, a titan would kill anyone hitting it at full speed, with its sheer size and mass.

The soldiers startle a bit when Captain Levi seemingly emerges from the shadows, Armin's torch being further away, but don't break formation.

"Ymir?!" Connie shouts, when they come closer, the three riders and two horses following after Levi. Jean, Eren and Captain Hange all turn around, the rest of the Scours remaining focused while stealing glances. The ex-cadets make a mix of sounds of surprise and uncertain happiness.

"What-"

"Ymir!"

"Where-"

Ymir smirks smugly.

"How did this happen? From what Eren said he'd heard, it seemed like you going with Reiner and Bertolt meant you were going to die." Hange asks, clearly fighting off a grin.

She shrugs, smile faltering, her expression getting more serious and she points to Bertolt, who blinks slowly in surprise.

"Long story short, he made it happen. The rest can wait until we're no longer in the middle of titan territory." 

More looks and glances thrown Bertolt's way and he swallows, looking away, to the ground, the reins in his hands.

Ymir's brows furrow but she says nothing.

There will be time.

It's a long ride back to wall Rose.

She'll have more than enough time to talk to Bertolt.

After all, he shouldn't be here.

He'd insisted-

Something must have happened.

She's been out of the loop for much too long. She needs to get caught up on some things.

Annoying.

* * *

Armin had decided to continue the rest of the road in the cart, among the wounded, the dying and well, what are the chances of at least one of them not being dead already?

He'd given Ymir some of his blades, so she could be counted in and added into the protective formation.

Bertolt and her are riding being the cart, in the middle, and toward the back of the whole scouting formation. She'd caught sight of Eren's stubborn face, riding before the cart. 

The rest of the cadets are scattered, friends and faces she recognizes mixed with strangers, people she knows for sure are Scouts and others she's never seen before.

Unless she's mistaken, Reiner's in the cart. She hasn't seen his dumb face anywhere, and Bertolt's eyes keep returning to it.

By putting him in the middle like that...

It could be for protection. Keep everyone wounded in a single place, so that the soldiers that can still fight know exactly where to focus their efforts.

It also looks like they're guarding Reiner. Maybe, _maybe_ Bertolt could transform and retrieve him but she's got a feeling everyone would die, including Reiner, if Bertolt did that. But if he tried to get Reiner and run away _without_ transforming, the whole formation could easily collapse in on him and take him out without much of a fight.

Clever.

A part of her is appraising of the thought that's been put into it. The rest is ... unhappy with the tenseness it's visibly putting on Bertolt.

Ymir exhales.

Jean's come closer to the cart and seems to be in a rather intense but hushed discussion with Armin.

Armin who keeps glancing their way.

She doesn't like it.  
Not one bit.

But it is a good moment to stir gently to the left, get closer to the other titan shifter. Who almost jerks in surprise, lost as he must have been in his head, whatever thoughts or plan he'd been working out before she'd spooked him.

"Hey." Ymir says flatly. Bertolt looks uncertain, and she's got the split second urge to put his head into a headlock and rub his scalp with her knuckles to make him squeal.

The fuck.

"Hey... ?" He murmurs in reply.

But it vanishes as soon as it'd appeared and she blinks quietly before glancing back at him.

"Why are you still here?" She asks in a low voice, keeping her eyes fixed ahead, except for the glances she steals every now and then. "Weren't you going back to Marley?"

He looks down, fingers clenching tightly over the leather in his hands but doesn't answer.

"You said you had to-"

"I know what I said." He snaps. She stares at him, slightly surprised. Did she push him too much? "Things changed." he continues quietly, still avoiding looking at her, "I... I have no reason to go back." Ymir can almost hear the '_Not anymore_' hanging in the space between them, unspoken.

She remembers his words back then.

Their escape-  
The talk that had ensued-

Reiner's desperate fear.  
Bertolt's quiet determination.

She remembers.

* * *

The hardest part had been protecting Bertolt while he was frazzled. He had been the only one still in human form and whatever their friends had told him when they'd come close, it had clearly gotten to him.

But once he'd regained his composure, his face smoothing the emotions out, they'd worked together seamlessly to prevent the titans from swarming Reiner.

His armor would hold up as long as he could still move but the fight, and Eren's angry call had brought more titans nearby. As soon as they managed to make some space, more would shuffle in, replacing those whose napes had been sliced, crushed, ripped out or bitten off.

Bertolt had shouted something that Ymir hadn't understood. But Reiner had. And he'd started moving, slowly at first but soon faster, and faster, as Bertolt, then Ymir, had focused on taking out the titans massed around his legs.

He'd soon started running, heading straight toward wall Maria. The titans had followed, slower but relentless.

Ymir couldn't remember if they'd reached the wall before nightfall, or after. All she remembered of that long, long run was taking out a few stragglers coming toward them and jumping off to climb on her own when Reiner had climbed up the wall.

They'd freed themselves from their titans and laid down on the wall, trying to catch their breaths.

That-

That had been too close for comfort.

"I don't understand," Reiner had said eventually, "why did you come with us? You know what's going to happen if you stay with us." He looked unhappy about it. Bitter about having to send someone who'd just saved his life, their lives, to a certain death.

She knew Marley wouldn't let her live long. There were always warrior candidates, ready to receive a titan from their previous bearer.

Her fate, down this path, was clear.

But... if they hadn't come to this island. If they hadn't set camp where they had.

She would still be trapped in that never-ending nightmare.

It wasn't so much that she was grateful. 

Just-

She owed them that much.

She didn't want to die but if there'd been a way-

"Reiner. What do we do now?"

Bertolt's expression was more blank than she'd ever seen it. 

She didn't know him enough to be sure but the light tremble of his hands, the way they were clenched around the hilts of his swords-

It didn't match the calm and composed face or the measured voice he was using.

Was he repressing his emotions? Not letting them show on his face?

What kind of training or upbringing-

"We should head back to Shiganshina, wait for the next meeting." Reiner's brows were furrowed, his eyes looking at the not-stone under his feet, teeth gritted. He bumped his forehead on his fist, clenched tightly on his knee. "We should go and wait for more instructions, figure out our next line of action."

Bertolt stared at him, observing every detail.

"But you don't want to do that." He stated.

Reiner's laugh was short and bitter.

"When has it ever mattered?" His hands were starting to shake, probably with anger or desperation. Maybe both. He blinked rapidly, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.

Bertolt exhaled, closing his eyes but turning his face to the stars. "What do you want to do, then?" Keeping his eyes closed for a moment before reopening them slowly, gaze turned to the tiny pinpricks of light shining way up there.

Ymir blinked slowly. She wasn't sure what was happening. She'd never seen either of them like this.

Reiner gripped his ankle with both hands, sniffling a bit. His expression was somewhere between pained and thoughtful as he let his head rest on his knee.

"I don't want to go back." He whispered after a long silence. "I want... to stay here. But that's not happening."

Bertolt hummed softly, low in his throat, still keeping his eyes to the stars.

"What about Ymir?"

"What-" She'd started but got cut off by Reiner's voice. "She saved our lives. She saved _you_." His gaze was incandescent, focused entirely on Bertolt.

There'd been something in the exact words he'd used that had hinted at something more, something Ymir wasn't sure she quite understood. The two of them were close, that much had always been clear but-

It had felt as if, when looking at them, their relationship, the way they interacted, she was only seeing a fractured, distorted reflection of their actual relationship.

Bertolt sighed. "Okay. If I could find a way for you to stay here, would that be okay?" He tilted his head, eyes finding Reiner's gaze. There was the barest hint of sadness in his voice.

"What about you?" Reiner's gaze was searching but the only light was that of the moon and it made the expression on Bertolt's face hard to read.

Bertolt looked away. "I have to go back."

"Bertl-"

"Don't."

The silence lingered for a few beats, Reiner fighting himself to not press the issue and Bertolt avoiding looking his way.

"Ymir." It was Bertolt's voice but he wasn't looking at her.

He wasn't looking at anyone.

"Yeah?"

"There's a forest of giant trees further away, closer to Shiganshina than the one we were in earlier. Hide there. I'll make up a story about your escape."

She blinked, eyes widening as the implication of what he intended to do sank in.

"They'll have you replaced the moment you set foot back in Marley."

Bertolt hadn't answered.

* * *

They had walked as far from the spot where they'd climbed on the wall as possible during the night, slept when morning had come, until Reiner had felt rested enough to be able to transform and carry them both the rest of the way.

Or least, in her case, close enough to the forest of giant trees that she would be able to get there without too much difficulty.

"... Are you sure about this?" She'd asked before jumping down Reiner's shoulder. 'You're signing your death sentence by letting me go and we all know it.'

Bertolt's smile had been so small, sad and uncertain Ymir had thought she'd imagined it at first. "I'm sure. Just... please stay hidden until-"

"Those idiots come and try to seal wall Maria?"

"Yeah." He'd looked to the sky again and she'd followed his gaze, trying to see what he could find so interesting up there, " ... until things are over. One way or another."

There would be-

"Then you can do whatever you want."

There'd never been any doubt that when that battle would come, only one side would make it through.

"Please?" 

She'd swallowed. Nodded shortly.

He was giving his life up for her.  
For Reiner.  
For whatever reason he had to return to Marley.

She could grant him that. Give him that little he was asking for.

She'd only have to survive by herself, scavenge and hunt and kill whatever would try to get to her.

Nothing new. And not the worst she'd lived through.

Yeah. She could wait.

* * *

"So you're staying." Ymir states, watching the subtle little shifts of emotions on his face. There isn't much to read there. Fleeting changes, there and gone before they can be fully comprehended, melting into one another like watching a puzzle being done backwards.

"I guess."

She stares.

He swallows nervously, still avoiding to meet her gaze.

"I- " he continues in a low voice, "Reiner and Annie are here."

She blinks slowly. Is that ... the only reason he's staying here?

It's not much.

If the other shifters die-  
If they leave-  
If anything happens to them-

There's no doubt, in Ymir's mind, that whatever niceness, humanity, or will to go along with whatever the people of Paradis want from him, Bertolt might currently be exhibiting, will then melt away faster than wax in a furnace.

She's not sure how he'll react. But she has no doubt he'll only play along as long as it insures Reiner's and Annie's safety.

He had given his life away for her and Ymir-

She was no-one to him.

How far would he go for his fellow Warriors?

She's not sure she wants to have to find out.


	6. Heroes

**Reiner**

Trost stretches before him.

If someone had told him, two and some months ago, he would be coming back here? And not to raze the entire district to the ground, but as an ally?

He would have called them crazy.

Bertl is supporting his weight, quiet and impassive, as Reiner sits and waits. He can already see the masses, hear the celebratory shouts.

Word is out already.  
Wall Maria has been sealed.  
Humanity won.

From what they know, what little knowledge of the outside world these people have left that the first king in the walls didn't took, that a century of repression and hiding the truth of the world hasn't erased.

He wonders-  
If they knew-

How would they react to the truth that humanity beyond the walls, outside of Paradis, wants them dead.  
Eradicated.  
Erased.  
Enslaved, at the very least. Deprived of choice and will.

Gone and forgotten if possible, as if they'd never existed.

The sun is slowly rising and Reiner feels ... tired. Exhausted, really.

In the span of a day, the course of his life headed in an entirely different direction.

Within a day, he had had to fight-

For his life.  
For his future.  
For his heart.

He wants-

To rest isn't right. To take a nap is something he's already done, on the way back from Shiganshina. He wants... some peace. Quiet. To have some time to breathe, to think, to just... be. For a time.

That he's got the smallest hope that it may happen is already a miracle.

If he'd gone back-  
If they'd gone back.

They would have been sent to deal with whatever was brewing in the east, the beginning of the war Pieck had told them about. There might have been some resting time but only long enough for their superiors, for Marleyans officers to decide whether they were still fit for battle.

To decide whether they'd performed well enough and if they would still perform perfectly on the next battlefield, or if they needed to be retired. Replaced. Slaughtered and eaten and their titans passed on to someone else.

Whatever Bertl is thinking about is bringing the faintest crease in his brows, faded green eyes locked onto something Reiner can't see.

Reiner exhales, lets his head rest on his partner's shoulder. Feels, rather than sees, Bertl's attention shifting back to him.

"Reiner? Everything okay?" Bertl's fingers are ever so gentle as they splay across his back, in contrast to the arm keeping him upright effortlessly.

"... I think so." Reiner says quietly, fatigue marking his tone, "I'm just ... tired."

"Mh. They're almost done bringing the horses up. It won't be much longer."

He's right, there's already another cart waiting for the wounded, to carry them to the Scouts closest garrison.

Soldiers must have been sent ahead already to warn doctors and have supplies and beds at the ready. Not that Reiner needs any of those. Though he'll take a bed if someone offers.

* * *

He must have passed out again because the next thing he knows is he's in a cart. Again. This ride isn't as chaotic as the other had been (from what little of it he remembers), but there's a fine rain that would be chilling him to the bone without the heavy wool hiding his smoking limbs and covering him from chin to toe, if he had those back already.

Bertl is riding right next to him, on a horse of his own, looking uncomfortable.

Then the cheering registers.

They-  
What-  
Those people-  
They're calling them _heroes._

Reiner knows it's not directed to him or Bertl specifically, but-

He's responsible for the deaths of so many of them. Some whose faces will haunt him for the rest of his life, and the mountain of corpses his actions, his decisions have pushed to the grave.

If these people knew the things he's done, they wouldn't call him a hero.  
They'd tear him apart, rip him to shreds, pull the trigger, watch him drown in his own blood.

These people.

They're as much his people as the Eldians of Liberio, aren't they.  
His hometown.  
_Their_ hometown.

... why is Bertl still here?

He'd been so relieved to know his partner was safe and with him that the fact that Bertl shouldn't have been there to start with hadn't even registered.

But Bertl had been so adamant-  
Had he changed his mind?  
Or was he here against his will, only playing along to ensure Reiner's safety?

Reiner's brows furrow. If that's the case, he'll have to make sure Bertl can leave.

But-

Bertl hasn't been acting like he doesn't want to be there. He's following, he's helping.

He's been left alone enough times that if he wanted to leave, it would be easy. Shift and blow away his pursuers then call a horse and get back to the coast.

Wait for the next full moon, for Marley's next ship to dock.

Then what-

"Hey, good to see your dumb face is still intact." Ymir pushes her horse closer to the cart, ignoring the elation that's spreading faster than wildfire throughout the district and the spontaneous libations starting to take place here and there around them.

Reiner huffs. "It wasn't, but thanks. Good to see you didn't get eaten by a titan." The 'again' stays stuck in his throat, thankfully. That hadn't been her, that had been Marcel. A part of Marcel might still be living on through Ymir but... she's not him. Despite some similarities, here and there, they're quite different when it comes to the rest.

Marcel-  
Marcel had been charismatic, a leader. Good and caring, excellent at making plans. A team player, good at making friends and getting information. A liar through and through. Their friend.

Ymir is more of a lone wolf, biting and thrashing against the bars of a cage only she could see.  
She's charismatic but in a pricklier, more truthful way.

Her show of teeth reminds him that she's not of Paradis either. He's not sure where she's from, but if she was turned into a titan and left on Paradis, she must have been from Marley. _Right?_

The cart clanks and the people around him groan and curl on themselves as it pulls into a closed courtyard. The Garrison's emblem is decorating the walls, and soldiers are running toward the cart hurriedly, some carrying stretchers, others with packs of bandages and gauze.

Move the ones that can be moved, or need to be moved, treat those that can be treated on site directly.

Paradis military is nothing but efficient, when they need to be. When they're not taken by surprise by enemies they can't fight and can't stop. When they're not terrified by the threat of being eaten alive at the smallest mistake, the faintest drop in luck.

Arms wrap around and under him and Reiner sighs as he's carried out of the cart by Bertl and ... Jean's combined effort. Ymir's nowhere to be seen. Did he hallucinate her?

They set him in a stretcher and carry it inside, then up a set of stairs. Set the stretcher down into a room with two beds, but... no bars to the windows? No chains, no manacles. 

It's as if-  
Almost-

"Do you need help-" Before Jean can finish, Bertl has Reiner in his arms and is carrying him to the bed, "-nevermind."

Bertl drops him onto soft bed-sheets with a grunt, turns around and blinks in confusion at Jean. "What?"

"No, I... It's fine, just- forget it."

The silence stretches, Bertl clearly uncertain of how to react, and Jean lingering for some unknown reason.

Reiner exhales, drawing Bertl's attention back to him and locking gazes with Jean.  
"Thanks, Jean."

Jean swallows, "I-" His eyes dart to the window and he nods sharply. "Yeah. Don't worry about it." And just like that, he's gone.

What had that been all about?

Reiner doesn't care to find out, not when Bert's weight is making the bed dip.

"Watch over me when I sleep?"

"You should eat first." Bertl pulls out field rations, sets them on the bed and push-pulls Reiner into a seated position.

"Where'd you get those?"  
"Ymir."

So he had not hallucinated her.  
That's good news. 

"She really did make it out." Reiner manages to utter in between offered and taken bites. The rations taste a bit sour but nothing that's making his stomach protest. "That's good to hear."

Bertl hums quietly, shifting to sit cross-legged on the bed, focused on the task of feeding him.

"Bertl." Faded green eyes look up from the ration being broken into easier to chew bits. "You should eat too."

"I'm fine."

Reiner huffs, giving Bertl a look of 'really?' and his partner looks away, biting at his lip.

"Sorry."

"I'm healing, that's true, but you need to think about yourself too, okay?" _'You don't have to stay here if you don't want to, I'll be fine, leave if you want, if you need, don't stay here just to protect me.'_

Bertl hums again, quiet and barely audible, and opens another ration for himself, taking a few bites before resuming his task of feeding Reiner.

Soon enough the rations are gone. Reiner can feel the sting, the trickle of steam growing stronger, abundant where it had been sluggish.

He's not as tired as he had been but ... they're not needed anywhere.

If they are to be judged as soon as they are in shape that allows it, then he might as well do whatever the fuck he wants to do.

No more missed opportunities.

"Hey, Bertl."

"Mh?" Bertl is looking out the window, observing whatever's happening in the courtyard, brows furrowed.

"Do you mind-" Reiner swallows, uncertain on how to say the words, the formulation, the sentences he should use. "Could you hold me while I get some rest? You're warm."

It's the shittiest excuse.

"... sure."

But it's Bertl.

An arm wraps around him, hoisting him up, as Bertl plaster himself between the wall and Reiner, then pulls him close and drapes the blanket over them.

It's so warm.

Bordering on smoldering hot.

As always, Bertl is burning. All titan shifters run hotter than normal Eldians but Bertl runs even hotter than that.

A curse in summer.  
A blessing in winter, or like now, when Reiner needs to feel safe.

It almost feels like being back in his titan.

Not that there would any of that feeling of being cared for, watched over, if he was encased in steaming flesh.

It's almost the same.  
It's not quite the same.  
It's ... not perfect, but right now?  
It's exactly what he needs.


	7. Behind closed doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got stuck on the chapter coming next, hence the delay between this chapter and the previous one. But hey ! Hopefully, the story will cooperate from now on.
> 
> Fingers crossed !
> 
> Enjoy !

**Bertolt**

Bertolt doesn't know how long he's been sitting there, distractedly playing with Reiner's hair, watching the sky without seeing it, keeping an eye on Reiner's regeneration, the once again steady stream of steam coming out of his regrowing limbs.

His thoughts are running in circles, building scenarios upon scenarios of the trial to come. 

Some good, some bad.  
Some leading to half dreamed wishful hopes, hesitant wonders.  
Some leading to dread and death, only his at best, both of theirs, and part of Paradis population at worst.

He knows he won't go down without a fight if they go after Reiner. Even if he doesn't want to fight. He doesn't even mind dying, not really, though he'd wished no-one else would have to bear the weight of the Colossal titan after him.

This blessing-  
This curse-

What's the best word to describe it?

A bittersweet remembrance, the aftertaste of a fading dream. A waking nightmare, the fear lingering even as the nightmare itself is already gone.

Bertolt .... doesn't _want_ to die.

But he's prepared to. He's been prepared to since- Even before he joined the army with hope to be picked as a Warrior candidate. Death had loomed over his every moment as a child, even if he hadn't been that aware of it at the time. But as soon as he'd realized, as soon as the fear had sparked in his mind for the first time-

It was hard to go back on something that had carved itself so deeply into him, so early on.

Not that he wanted to.

It's not like he could unravel and remake himself entirely. 

Maybe to some extent.   
Maybe he could change in the future.  
If he had one.

What were they going to do?

Paradis people and their military forces had reactions that ranged wildly from one extreme to the other.

They had a tendency to be stubborn, unyielding, but also to take the path that lead toward freedom. To use everything that could be used to take their enemies down without much of a second thought. Eren was testament to that line of thinking. But-

Not always.  
Not all of them.

But if Commander Erwin survived the trip, if he makes it through the night...

Bertolt feels like the man is going to want to use them, their strength, their knowledge, their titans, and put them to good use.

He ... wouldn't mind something like that.

What kind of trial will it be? Something big? Something hushed and with only the necessary people? Will their role in the destruction of the walls, in the death of many, be made known? Will it be kept a secret?

He runs the possibilities in his head.

There's so much variations, so much to take into account.

.... It's quite surprising that no-one's come to bother them yet. Not that he minds. Reiner's weight, the soft snoring and gentle warmth, are a peaceful counterpoint to the painful exhaustion of the prior day, and to the no doubt tiring days ahead.

But the shadows are getting longer with every passing moment, clouds are rolling in from the east in heavy curls, and the drizzle has turned into a downpour.

His stomach growls, protesting from the lack of food over the past ... 24 hours? No, it's been longer than that. Reiner's belly echoes his own and Bertolt huffs in quiet amusement.

His partner grumbles something incoherent into his collarbone, sleepily dragging his face over Bertolt's shoulder before reaching the end of it and falling headfirst into the mattress. Bertolt's lips quirk up but he waits until Reiner turns his head to him with a disgruntled and offended expression to hide his laughter into his hand. Reiner throws him a dirty look but crawls back, dragging himself along the surface of the bed to nestle against Bertolt's side again.

"You let me fall." He grumbles sleepily.

"I thought you would realize my shoulder isn't infinite."

Reiner mumbles something that, even though it has the weight and tone of an actual protest, is nothing more than a bunch of protesting sounds strung together into the shape of one. Bertolt smiles, changes the subject. "Hungry?"

"Fuck yes." Reiner pauses, brows furrowing and studies him sleepily for a moment. "You going to grab something?"

"Yes." _ If they let me, if we're allowed food, if _-

"Don't forget to take something for yourself."

"... I won't forget."

Reiner's frown deepens. "Bertl."

That might have been the wrong way to say it. Especially after- Bertolt tries again. "I'll do my best to bring back food for the both of us." He has no intention of foregoing food much longer if he can get any.

Reiner's frown smooths out and he nods... but doesn't let go. Doesn't move at all, really.

"Reiner?"

"... five more minutes."

That's-

"Okay."

* * *

It may have been five minutes like it may have been half an hour. Bertolt would have been fine with either. He just lets Reiner rest some more, pressed against his side, even though his limbs are done healing, even though the steam is gone, until his partner reluctantly pulls away when Bertolt's stomach growls again.

Reiner looks like he wants to say something but the words aren't making it out of his mouth. Bertolt waits a handful of seconds before gently bumping his forearm and wrist to Reiner's shoulder. "I won't be long."

Golden eyes flit to him then back down again. Reiner nods slowly, crawling to soak in the leftover warmth of Bertolt's body as soon as he gets off the bed.

What's gotten into him?  
Is Reiner okay?  
He looks almost... somber. Desperate.   
Crushed by defeat.  
But they didn't lose.  
They might be getting what they- what Reiner wants, really.

He will be able to stay here.

Just as he wanted, just as Bertolt promised he'd try to make happen.

... Food. It should help. Reiner is no Sasha, so it won't be a drastic change but thinking and dreading what's to come on an empty stomach can't be leading to any uplifting train of thought.

Bertolt tries to straighten his clothes a bit but the only thing that could be done to salvage his appearance would be a shower and a new set of clothes. He must reek too.

He shouldn't be surprised to find 5 soldiers waiting in the hallway. 

Guarding them, he guesses. There's Connie and Jean. A lady with glasses and cold eyes, another lady with short brown hair, both bearing the garrison's colors. Captain Levi. All of them turn his way as he steps out.

Bertolt's stomach growls, loud and insistent, before he can say anything. His eyes dart down but flit back up right up, just in time to watch the hostile expression on Jean's face melt into fond annoyance. "Hungry, Hoover?"

Bertl nods hesitantly, feeling the tip of his ears heat up. Captain Levi keeps on staring, a touch too long for comfort, then returns to the papers he's been reading. "Take him to the kitchens, Jean."

"Yes, sir!" Jean jerks his head to the side in a clear 'cmon let's go' and Bertolt follows.

They walk in silence for a moment, rounding corners and going down a set of stairs.

"Hey, Hoover." 

"Yes?" Jean's not looking at him and he hasn't stopped either. Yet, Bertolt can tell Jean's focused on him, whatever his intention may be. Jean's got that expression on his face, the one he gets when he's bracing himself, about to do something he feels he's going to regret.

"What you said about families of traitors... were you talking about yourself?"

Bertolt blinks slowly, ignoring the way his chest tightens. "... I was thinking more Reiner's." 

He glances out a window, to the rain still pouring outside. "Making it look like he'd died or was kept prisoner against his will meant his family wouldn't be at risk." Which meant Reiner wouldn't felt compelled to go back, to try and save them. 

Not as strongly, anyway.

Jean does look at him then, nervous, his brows furrowed.

"But what about _yours_?"

Bertolt stops, uncertain as to what Jean means exactly. "What about mine?"

Jean stops as well, a few steps further, and turns around. "I mean-"

"There you are, Bertl. Knew I'd heard Jean's equine voice." Ymir rounds the corner, carrying a large tray with several plates on it. "Figured you and that big oaf would be pretty hungry by now."

As if on cue, and most probably due to the scent wafting from the plates, Bertolt's stomach growls once more. He feels his face heat up as Ymir smirks. "I told them that you spared me and why, so you don't need to worry."

_What? _

Bertolt blinks in confusion and Ymir's smirks widens for an instant before she continues. "It's fine, they know it wasn't your fault now."

What wasn't their fault? What had she told whom exactly? A strangled and confused noise escapes him.

_What the hell is going on?_

But then she just... keeps going, giving him a pointed but amused look before rounding the corner toward the stairs. Bertolt straightens up, exchanging a glance with Jean before they both hurry after Ymir.

It doesn't take them long to catch up with her, thankfully. The tray must be slowing her down. Or she'd been waiting for them. Who knows.

All she does when they get to her, is nod and push the tray into Jean's hands before he can refuse. "Oh you caught up, good. Now make yourself useful and carry this the rest of the way."

Jean opens his mouth to protest but Ymir is already trailing off, linking her arm with Bertolt's and pulling him along. They keep going and Jean tries, he really tries to catch up to them but Ymir's pace increases every time his does. Bertolt can somewhat see him behind, looking frustrated as hell. A bit ... humiliated too.

It's-  
That's not-

Captain Levi looks up as they approach, brows furrowing when he notices Jean's absence#. Then he stares, long and hard, when the ex-cadet rounds the corner and stalks in after them, twitching a bit when he notices his captain's look.

Ymir's got the door open and she's inside already, going straight for Reiner.

Shit-

"What-" The covers fly as they fumble and wrestle with each other, swearing and muttering half insults.  
"You piece of-"  
"Fucking-"  
"Don't-"  
"Fuck off, you-"

Bertolt hovers, not wanting to hurt either of them. It doesn't look like a real fight, more the type of scuffle kids would have.

Play-fighting.

Did they... miss each other?

Reiner ends up with his head in a headlock but he's got one of Ymir's leg twisted awkwardly at an angle that looks painful. Neither is letting off an inch to the other.

"Are you brats done yet?"

Surprisingly, it's not Captain Levi, but the short blonde woman with glasses. Bertolt can't remember ever seeing her before stepping out of the room earlier, but she's wearing the Garrison colors, so that's no surprise.

Ymir huffs, glaring in defiance but Reiner deflates and lets go. Something passes on Ymir's face, a mix of surprise and ... worry, both hidden and disguised as annoyance and disdain. Jean looks like he's not sure whether entering the room _ now _ is a good idea.

Bertolt considers for a split second then takes the step and a half needed and relieves Jean of the tray. "Sorry." He whispers, meeting the startled gaze and stepping back.

Ymir suddenly pulls him further back inside and stalks to the door. "You're not invited to this party, bye." And slams the door closed in Jean's face, then turns on her heels, pausing only when she sees Bertolt there.

"What. Don't stand there, go feed that idiot."

But-

"I bet those morons didn't _even think of bringing food to you guys even once_," She says casually, turning back to the door and raising her voice after the first few words. 

Bertolt pads to the bed quietly, setting the tray on it directly, watching as Reiner pulls himself out of his ... of whatever's gotten into him, enough to start eating.

"Fucking morons." Ymir mutters as she follows, sitting by Reiner, who shuffles a bit to make space for her.

How had Ymir known-  
Why had she... where had she been all this time?  
With Christa? It's plausible, the two had always been so close-

It doesn't seem... like the most logical explanation.

Commander Erwin is probably still out of it, unless he had woken up long enough to be briefed. There hasn't been enough time for a full debrief to be done yet and as far as Bertolt could tell from what he'd seen in the courtyard, there had been no big coming or going, and nothing official looking. When he looks up from the tray, there's two set of eyes staring at him pointedly and a silence that's about as pointed as those looks.

"Sorry." Bertolt mutters, looking back to the tray and picking something to eat at random.

He is hungry, that's true, but his heart is also jammed halfway up his throat with wariness and stress. It makes eating a less than satisfactory experience.

But if things go sideways, if he needs to find another way out for them, for Reiner... he'll need strength. And after the long battle they'd survived somehow? He's lacking any kind of reserves. So he eats and chews and swallows, watches Reiner as his partner chows down hungrily, now that he's made sure Bertolt was eating as well. Watches Ymir as she picks at tidbits of food and prods Reiner with her foot at regular intervals, eliciting grunts of varying intensity.

They're halfway through the whole meal she brought when she speaks again.

"I told them what I knew about you guys. How you'd been made like this when you were kids, and you were sent here with barely any preparation." She sounds almost flippant.

Bertolt chokes on the mouthful he was halfway through swallowing, coughing loudly as he fights surprise and his own body. Reiner's paused mid-chew, looking cold and calculating. That's not-

"How do you know that?" Reiner's tone is still quiet but it's got an edge to it now. And there's that gaze, burning gold staring right into Ymir's eyes.

She scratches her neck, looking away, to the food, then to Bertolt, who got his breath back under control. "I remember... things. From that guy. Marcel? He knew-" She huffs, shakes her head. "And, well. I guess at least one of you figured out I'm not exactly from Paradis."

Reiner blinks slowly, realization dawning on his face but Bertolt just nods.

"You were a Titan. Means you were from Marley ... what got you sent here?" Only traitors to Marley, terrorists and criminals got sent here. 

At least in theory.

Reiner uncurls and Bertolt is about to stop him, but Reiner just wraps his arms around a startled Ymir in an awkward hug. She looks very confused and makes a face Bertolt's way, clearly lost as to what the fuck is happening.

Bertolt settles back and shrugs. "Marcel was ... a friend, and our leader. You got some of his memories so-"

"-it's as if part of him was here." Reiner mumbles as he lets go, reluctantly.

"Oh." Ymir says, looking between the two of them rapidly. She swallows, picking more food and shifts on the bed. "I... was sent here because I was raised as the figurehead of a cult Marley wasn't ... too fond of."

Bertolt blinks slowly, feeling the edge of a memory poke at the edge of his consciousness, while Reiner lets out an eloquent '_what?_'

"It was about sixty years ago, and considering Marley's politic regarding our people and anything related to Ymir-"

"Wait. The Cult of Ymir? Their leader was a member of the royal family or something?" Bertolt hears the words come out of his mouth but he's barely aware of forming them. _Shit._

Ymir looks even more startled. "I-"

His partner is frowning, just as confused as Bertolt feels. "Bertl?"

"How'd you know- I didn't think there would be anyone left that'd remember." Ymir cuts in, her voice wavering with barely restrained emotion.

Shit shit _shit_. Bertolt curls on himself, looking to the other side of the room. "I must have read about it somewhere, or heard about it somewhere. I don't know much more than that."

Reiner is clearly doubtful but neither of them presses him for more details. As they resume eating, Ymir just talks some more about her life back then, how she'd been picked off the streets and paraded as a child of royal lineage (something she wasn't). How, somehow, Marley's police had found out and sentenced everyone to Paradis.

Bertolt tries to keep the memories contained but Ymir's story is pulling them forward, making them vibrant, bright and colorful in his mind.

The line of people, shoved toward the ship that would get them to Paradis. The stones, the insults, the rotten fruits, whatver the people could find to throw and hurt the 'devils' passing by. His own ship, no, that bearer's ship, about to leave for ... somewhere, a grand battle of some kind. The bearer's curiosity and helplessness, as he (she? he.) knew there was nothing to be done. Any move on his part and his fate would be worse than theirs.

All because of the idiot that had come before him. He was watched so closely-

Where was Jaw-

Ah. There, among the crowd, face twisted in a mix of disgust, anger and fear. Hurling ... things and maybe also insults, for his mouth was moving-

A hand on his shoulder (no, not his shoulder) and he turns and she's there, they're there, Armor and Beast, and it won't be long before-

Bertolt nearly jumps out of his skin as Ymir gets up. _Shit._

"Guess I should go then." She comments as she stretches.

He'd been so lost in the memory he hadn't even heard the door open or the brown haired lady come in.

Ymir punches Reiner's shoulder lightly, then squeezes his gently as she passes by.

"I'll see you two again before you know it."

Bertolt nods tentatively, hearing his partner mutter something like an assent. The door closes with a soft click.

Reiner's gaze, incandescent gold, snaps back to him. Bertolt swallows.

"We both know you haven't read about it. Marley wouldn't let that kind of knowledge last the current generation. There's even less chances of them writing it down somewhere either of us, or any Eldian would have access to." Reiner's look is searching, brows furrowed. "How- Where did you learn about that, Bertl?"

"How do I know a lot of things?" Bertolt mutters, fear and resentment chasing each other in his chest. He trusts Reiner with his life but even then- "I can't give you an answer, Reiner. I'm sorry."_ Please, please don't ask again._

His partner seems startled, opening his mouth a couple times before snapping it shut, fighting himself on whether to press for more details, to try to get an actual answer. It lasts for a long painful minute, before he seems to make up his mind. "I'm sorry."

_What?_

"I won't ask again, I promise." Reiner continues, before opening his arms uncertainly, in an offered hug. Bertolt takes the few steps, shuffles forward to bury himself into that embrace, to feel Reiner's strong arms wrap around him and hold him gently, like he's about to break.

"You don't need to be sorry." Bertolt whispers, even though he's glad Reiner promised not to ask again. He doesn't want to have to lie about it but he doesn't feel safe enough to ... tell Reiner. Or anyone. He might never feel safe enough to share that one secret. His partner shakes his head, unaware of Bertolt's train of thought, and tightens his hold slightly. "I promised I wouldn't fuck up again. And I just did."

Bertolt frowns, pulls away and shakes his head in turn. "No, Reiner- You didn't. It's just..." He rubs at his neck, watching the clouds outside. "We all have secrets. And well..." 

Reiner nods. "There's other things to worry about at the moment."


	8. Trial (and tribulations) - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   


** Reiner **

They finish what's left of the food, Reiner trying to get Bertl to eat more, but whatever nerve he hit has made his partner lose his appetite. Bertl mutters something about Reiner needing his strength in case things go sideways, then uncurls and goes back to sit on the windowsill, leaving Reiner to his thoughts.

If things go sideways?   
What would he even be able to if things went sideways?

Turn into the Armored Titan and run all the way to Wall Maria? Even if by some miracle he managed to do it, then what? Cross that wall as well? Try to survive out there? Go back to Marley? Claim they managed to escape Paradis somehow?

He's not sure he'd rather die than go back to Marley. But it's a near thing.

A worst case scenario.   
If push comes to shove.   
If there's no other way.

But they're not in shackles, they're not kept prisoners. There's hope... right?

He doesn't want to believe that the people of Paradis would trick them that way. But they had, before. They'd pulled at the strings of Bertl's feelings, of their friendship. It had almost gotten him killed.

Reiner's stomach twists itself into knots.

They might have to fight their way out of this one. Despite everything- Bertl's planning, his efforts- His own desire to stay here, to truly be one of these people, for the few years he has left-

It might have all been for nothing.

The thought threatens to send him back into the pit of self-deprecation and exhaustion that had swallowed him when he'd woken up cuddled against Bertl.

But.  
If things come to such extremities...

Bertl will need his strength. He needs to stay strong until they know- Until they're sure they are welcome here. Ymir's reassurances had been nice but... she wasn't the one whose actions had led to the deaths of hundreds of thousands.

He wants to believe-  
But...

Reiner sighs and tries to focus past the guilt. Yeah, he had- _They_ had done terrible things, Annie and Bertl and him. Under Marcel's orders, under his own orders. Under Marley's _ command_. But mulling it over again and again won't change a thing.

There's going to be a trial, for sure and maybe they're going to have to run away.

But he wants to believe that they're really given a chance. That he didn't doom them both to an even shorter existence with his hopes and dreams.

All he can do, now, is take care of Bertl like Bertl has been taking care of him.

His partner has been feeding, protecting and watching over him since-  
Since....

When had Bertl last slept?

Fuck, he must be exhausted.

"Hey, Bertl..." Reiner's voice trails off. There's something about the set of Bertl's shoulders, coiled like a spring about to snap; a tenseness different than his usual worry, but one he's seen before-

Oh.

Is he... ?

Reiner swallows, searching his brain for the crumbs of Marleyan he remembers. He's never been great at it, and he understands it way better than he speaks it, mostly thanks to Bertl.

"<Bertl? You okay?>" The words are like sand and rocks, gravely and tripping over themselves in his mouth. So different from Eldian, which sounds like ... he doesn't know what it sounds like but certainly not like an aggressive petulant threat.

His partner turns, finally, his face blank. More blank than he's seen him be but Reiner remembers having seen Bertl like this before. Not often, but every once in a while, during stressful periods, or shortly after them. Tight and wound up, blank faced, inexpressive.

Unresponsive as well. To most things anyway.

Bertl's eyes follow him as he gets off the bed and slowly moves to stand in the middle of the room. It's been a while since he had to deal with Bertl in this state but if he remembers correctly-

Reiner smirks, adopting as taunting a fighting stance as he can, trying to radiate defiance and smugness he doesn't feel as he motions a 'come at me' to his partner. The corners of Bertl's eyes tighten ever so slightly, then he moves and Reiner feels dread ripple up his spine.

The slouch is gone, as is the hesitation. There's anger and restrained violence in the slow steps, and still that blankness on his partner's face, that Reiner's starting to resent.

Still, even in this state, Bertl won't hit him first, so Reiner throws a punch. Feels his arm get grabbed and he's spun toward a wall. He manages to avoid the collision but there's a leg hitting his ribs, and as he locks it against his hip, a knee curls around his neck, Bertl using the entirety of his body as a lever to send him flying. Wood breaks, his shoulder cracks and there's startled sounds coming from the hallway.

Shuffling outside and the sound of the door opening, but Reiner doesn't have time to worry about that because of the leg swiping toward his face. He rolls away, hearing the impact and shouts toward whoever just stepped inside the room, "Don't!" 

If there's an answer or a question, Reiner doesn't hear it, too focused on parrying the punch, punch- The elbow slips past his defense, landing in his stomach. He does manage to avoid the following knee by a hair and dances out of reach again.

There's no winning against Bertl, not like this. Annie could win, and she _ had _ in the past; but Reiner isn't her and he doesn't have half of her hand to hand fighting skills.

But he knows how to take a beating, and he's stubborn.

He launches back into range, pushing the woman with glasses who just stepped into Bertl's space away and toward the door, wincing as the hit that wasn't originally aimed at him breaks his nose and splits his cheek open.

"Stay out of it!"

Are they fucking dumb? It's pretty clear Bertl is- Well, it might just be clear to him because he's seen Bertl act like this in the pa- 

Bertl suddenly lunges, and Reiner tries to step back and out of reach, then tries to defend himself against the incoming punch when it becomes clear he won't get out of range fast enough, only to curse his own stupidity when Bertl jumps lightly to land a high kick with the entire strength and weight of his body behind it.

Splitting pain courses through his arm as it bends and breaks under the strength of the attack. Reiner stumbles, trying to stay away from the walls and the door. He really doesn't want to add getting body slammed into a wall to the list of his current injuries. Bertl tries for another high kick and Reiner ducks, as he should have earlier. Not that it does anything to slow his partner down any, as the elbow that catches him in the jaw before he could get his guard back up can attest of.

He rolls on the ground, trying to get his feet under him again but Bertl's weight, and more specifically his knee, is pinning him down. Hands pull at his arm, putting it in arm lock behind his back and fuck that's his broken arm, and _it fucking hurts._

That ... should be enough, right?

Reiner struggles to pull his other arm up and tap out to signal his surrender. It does gets Bertl's attention, his best friend-slash-partner going very still. Reiner cranks his head to the side, trying to get a good look at Bertl's face and taps out again a couple more time. 

"<I yield!>"

He's not sure Bertl can process Eldian again yet and he wants to make sure the message gets across.

The fight's over, Bertl won.

Not that he'd tried to fight back. All of it had just been an attempt to reduce the damage while letting his partner work whatever he needed out in his own way.

The iron grip on his arm becomes butterfly touches and the weight pinning him down vanishes. Hands on his shoulders, helping him back into a seated position and he can finally see the guilt on Bertl's face, how he avoids looking him in the eye.

Fuck _that._

Reiner offers his shoulder, the one with the unbroken arm attached to it, and a hug, and the relieved surprise in Bertl's eyes barely has time to register before Reiner's got an armful of one tall boy, who's suddenly making himself as small as possible, curled tightly on himself and against Reiner's side.

Reiner hugs him with his still working arm, keeping him close, safe. "Feeling better?" He almost doesn't feel the nod but it's there nonetheless. The stream of blood (that he had not even noticed) coming out of his nose and cheek finally stops. Reiner waits, in case Bertl wants to say something but all he's doing is clinging to him... and shivering.

"Wanna talk about it?" He murmurs, trying to sound as gentle as possible. Bertl stills again, and Reiner is aware of the people at the door watching and listening but he doesn't give a fuck. "...no." Bertl's voice is muffled but there's an almost pleading note to it.

_I can't give you an answer. I'm sorry._

Reiner nods quietly. "If you ever change your mind, I will listen, okay?" He doesn't get an answer to that but Bertl's shivering and clinging slowly eases and then he's fast asleep. Well, not so much asleep as passed out from exhaustion.

Time to put him to bed.  
.... If they didn't break it while fighting.  
Hopefully not. Fuck, he has no clue.

* * *

Reiner hadn't been able to explain much regarding Bertl's ... episode. 

Is it something that had happened before?  
Yes.

Does it happen often?  
No.

Does Reiner knows why Bertl gets like that?  
He has no clue and Bertl has always refused to talk about it.

All he knows is what to do and how to act to bring Bertl back to normal.

They (Captain Levi and the two brown haired Garrison woman) had left the room once it'd become clear Bertl wouldn't wake up any time soon, but Reiner had heard them talk in the hallway for quite some time. There had been a bit of coming and going once night had fallen, but nothing much.

It hadn't taken him long to heal the damage from the fight, flesh and bone smoking, steaming, itching as they knitted back together.

He must have dozed off at one point because those are some pink and rosy tones tainting what he can see of the horizon when he opens his eyes again. Bertl sprawled over him in his sleep, head sandwiched between two pillows, fingers still clutching Reiner's clothes (or what's left of them), legs tangled in the blankets. 

He seems to be asleep still.

Reiner frees a hand and checks his partner's pulse. It's slow and regular. Bertl stirs lightly.

Sound doesn't wake him up easy. He's seen Bertl sleep through the entirety of the guys dorms getting ready for the day, and before that, through bombings, through one or more of them shifting into their Titans. But touch wakes Bertl up very easily.

His partner mumbles into the pillows and Reiner can tell he's nowhere near awake because that sure sounds like Marleyan.

"Hey Bertl." Reiner rakes his brain for scraps of Marleyan, as Bertl goes still under his hand, and manages a probably butchered, "<Sleep good?>"

Bertl's fingers finally let go of him, moving to push the pillow off his face. "Your accent is terrible." He murmurs in Eldian, blinking sleepily.

Reiner huffs. "It's not like I get many chances to get better at it."

Bertl smiles a bit and yawns, still waking up, "I'd offer to help but-" he trails off and rumbles something in Marleyan, before blinking and repeating it in Eldian, "- but, uh ... there's not much point to it."

"Why not?" Reiner frowns and crosses his arms on his chest, "You speak it."

Bertl stares at him confusedly before blushing a bit and averting his gaze. "... you'd do that?" Reiner grins slowly and watches the blush spread on his best friend's face.

Someone knocks on the door, followed by the sound of it opening. Jean and Connie come in, carrying bundles of clothes and towels.

"C'mon, let's get you guys cleaned up. You reek." Jean looks and sounds grumpy. Connie... is still avoiding looking at either of them. Reiner nods and only waits long enough for Bertl to untangle himself and get up before he gets moving as well.

The bundles of clothes in Connie's arms find their place in theirs, then Jean leads them through hallways and staircases, and along the side of the courtyard toward a wooden door that looks just like all the other ones. It's a silent trip, Jean opening the way, Bertl by Reiner's side and Connie a couple steps behind them.

Reiner glances toward Bertl. His partner is impassive, with a side of thoughtful, taking in more details than Reiner can probably see right now, and certainly coming to conclusions that Reiner would take five times longer to come to.

He'll share them with him eventually; the next time they're left somewhat alone, if Reiner was to take a guess. The door opens to the rear end of what looks like shower stalls but before Reiner can quite wonder why they didn't go through the building (instead of around it), Jean stops and turns around.

"Connie and I will be waiting right by the door. There's soap bars inside, you got towels. Get clean, get clothed, shout if you need anything. Got it?" 

"Yeah." Reiner replies while Bertl only hums. Jean steps aside and they move forward. Reiner spots the soap first, dropping his armful of cloth on the bench nearby to inspect it. It's some of the creamier kind, that he's heard can sometimes come scented. This one only smells like soap.

He has no clue why there's such a nice soap there for them, figures someone must have forgotten it. Or maybe the Garrison gets better shit than they do? As if he has any clue. He undresses quickly, following after Bertl who's already testing whether there's hot water or not. They pass the soap back and forth, cleaning the last few days worth of grime, dirt and caked blood off, until all that's left is their respective hair and back.

"You seemed thoughtful." Reiner offers, feeling Bertl's tense the slightest bit under his hands as he both clean him up and massage some tension out of him. It's gone as fast as it had appeared though and Bertl sighs and shrugs. "The courtyard seemed empty, but there were horses prepared for a trip and no-one in sight."

"You think something happened?"

"I think they were testing to see if we would try to run." Reiner pauses, hands stopping for a beat before he gets started again. "That'd explain the detour." Bertl hums.

But Bertl could have tried- Unless- "You think it was a trap ?" Bertl takes a moment to answer, rinsing the soap off his hair and gesturing for Reiner to turn to so he can get access to his back. "I think... the roof over our heads was covered with soldiers... and they were ready to hack us down if we'd tried anything." Reiner takes a moment to take that into account before working soap into his hair while Bertl's hands work on his back. If he'd been the one trying to gauge someone's loyalty and trustworthiness... yeah. That sounds like the type of plan he would have come up with. They finish rinsing off in relative silence.

It's good to be clean. After weeks of river water and army issued water skin showers, the clean hot water feels like a blessing. Bertl looks a lot more relaxed and barely protests when Reiner starts drying his hair. He's blushing again when Reiner gets the towel off his head though, looking to the ground as he asks, "Were you serious? About learning Marleyan just so I can have someone to speak it with."

It's Reiner's turn to feel heat spread at the back of his neck and he drops the towel on top of his own head, hiding under the pretense of drying his own hair off. "Yeah. It's your first language, right? Doesn't seem fair that you haven't got anyone to speak Marleyan to." He looks up, and feels his heart skip a beat because Bertl is _ smiling _. "Thanks, Reiner."

His words are stuck in his throat, his thoughts jumbled by Bertl's smile, but Reiner manages something close to a grin and heads toward the clothes they were given. The cut is clearly from Paradis, much more form fitting, these uniforms so different than the ones Marley would give them. More comfortable too, but he does miss the pockets.

Reiner is about to put on his boots when he notices Bertl's stillness. He turns to his partner, catching his gaze before Bertl looks away.

"Bertl?"

Bertl's hands tighten over the shirt in his hands, the clean one he hasn't put on yet.

"I'm... I'm going to take the blame. Make sure you don't get into trouble. That you can stay and live here."

_What._ "What are you-"

Bertl glances up before looking away again. "What we did. The walls. Shiganshina, Trost. I'll make sure they blame it all on me, not you."

Reiner feels the rumble in his chest and he lets go of the boots to grab his partner by the nape, pulling him down while getting on his toes, and effectively headbutting him. He keeps him there, waiting for Bertl to look at him once the pain has faded and long fingers have found Bertl's forehead, still pressed to his.

"Don't be a fucking idiot." Reiner growls, tightening his grip on Bertl's neck, staring into startled eyes, "We're in this together. We came here together, we're partners. Whatever happens, I'm with you." He lets go of Bertl's neck to rest his fist on his partner's chest and bump it lightly, right where his heart should be. "I got your back, remember?"

Bertl blinks a few times, before resting his knuckles on Reiner's heart. "I remember. You got my back, I got yours." He murmurs, looking ashamed, "Sorry."

Reiner bumps him lightly again. "Stop apologizing, for fuck's sake. You're not the one who's made a complete fool of himself for the past three years." Bertl's lips quirk up a little and he murmurs something about it 'not being _that_ bad' as he resumes getting dressed. Reiner watches him for a moment then grabs his boots and sits to put them on. Bertl sits next to him after a minute of so, turned the other way around.

"Thanks." His partner's voice is so soft he can barely hear it. Reiner sits back, listening to Bertl as he puts his boots on as well.

"What for?"

"For reminding me that I... that _we_. Are a team."

Reiner grimaces. "I'm sorry I wasn't ... _ there _ these past years. That all you had for a team all that time was... Annie." And Annie wasn't much of a team. Reiner isn't even sure she qualifies as team material, despite her strength and skill. 

They both grow silent again. Hopefully Annie is in hiding somewhere, and isn't being tortured by the Military Police. Or worse.

But they can't be sure. What Armin had said-

Bertl's fist bumping his shoulder brings Reiner back to the present. "Let's call Jean and Connie."


	9. Trial (and tribulations) - part 2

**Bertolt**

Jean and Connie aren't by the door when they emerge from the showers. Reiner looks confused and starts looking around but Bertolt just looks to the courtyard. Those horses are still there and they're carrying packs of equipment. Swords and gear, what looks to be rations. If they wanted to run away... there would be no better opportunity.

Bertolt watches the trap laid out for them, then the roofs around the courtyard. He can't see further but there's reflections of light that shouldn't exist on the walls, on the windows, there and gone the next minute.

If he wanted to leave, he would have made his escape before they'd reached the walls. Before they'd left Shiganshina even. There would have been better chances of escaping the Scouts if Titans had gotten involved. This far inside the walls? Trying to run away would be suicide.

Not that he wants to.

Reiner's here.  
Annie's here.  
Somewhere.

He breathes, blinking slowly and letting his thought drift toward home. Liberio. It's been so long. He doesn't miss it that much but... he grew up there. 

He had been born there. Behind walls obscuring the sky, blocking the horizon, trapping them inside.  
Just like here, but with less space.

Death waiting right outside, wearing human faces. Not as tall, less biting. More insidious, terrifying in entirely different ways. Not that it changes anything. Death is death, regardless of the shape it takes.

Reiner's hand on his shoulder brings him out of the spiraling thread of his thoughts. "I can't find them anywhere." He looks worried. Bertolt lets a breath out. "We should wait here." Reiner gives him a look, then looks around the courtyard, finally spotting the horses, his expression hardening after a moment. "Yeah."

They don't have to wait long, thankfully, before Jean comes running, Connie trailing behind him. Reiner and him exchange some words, the whole sounding falsely cheerful but Bertolt's watching the avoidance in Connie's posture, the guilty glances he keeps throwing at the horses. Until he notices Bertolt's stare and straightens sharply, startling both Jean and Reiner in the process.

"Bertl?" Reiner sounds worried. Bertolt had not meant to- He blinks at his partner, curls a bit on himself. "Sorry, I kind of zoned out."

It relaxes them both, but Reiner's brows twitch. His best friend can recognize a half-assed excuse when he hears Bertolt pull one out of his ass. He doesn't comment on it (thankfully) and just checks that Bertolt is following when Jean and Connie start leading them elsewhere.

Is Reiner thinking... what. That Bertolt's going to leave as soon as he's got his back turned? That he'll take the first excuse, the first chance to run off into the wild and never return?

It's... annoying.

He's not sure why Reiner is still acting that way, after all the promises they exchanged. They're in this together, right? So why is his partner acting like Bertolt is going to ditch him the first chance he'll get?

... not now. They can discuss it later, once they're left alone again.  
Maybe.  
If things go the way Bertolt hopes they will.

They're lead through hallways again, when he suddenly remembers and slows down for a beat. "Connie... is Sasha okay?" Connie startles once more, looking torn and worried, and Reiner is frowning in confusion. "She should make it through-" Jean starts, but Connie cuts him off. "The doctor said her wound's infected in places. He's not sure why." Jean seems surprised, mouth hanging open. 

Bertolt looks down and rubs at his neck. "I could... If you guys think it's okay, I can try and help with the healing, like Eren did for the Commander." It does mean letting him get hurt, trusting him to get hurt and not shift into his Titan. They tense up and exchange looks.

"Would you rather I do it?" Reiner murmurs, not looking his way, focused on their (ex)friends and the silent conversation they seem to be having. Bertolt shakes his head. "It's better if I do." He pauses, long enough for Reiner to turn his way and catch his gaze, "I can't shift without killing you, if you're not in your Titan." Reiner looks back to Jean and Connie, who seem to be listening in. "Right." He doesn't sound happy about it.

Jean nods and changes the direction they're going in, backtracking in places until they reach a door with a chair next to it. Connie opens it, Bertolt following a couple steps behind.

Sasha is laying in a bed, flushed, sweaty, the covers up to her shoulders. Connie stands awkwardly by her bed, alternating between distress and uncertainty. Bertolt rolls his sleeve up and offers his hand. "I need you to cut my hand. Or to give me something to do it myself." He tries to sound reassuring, calm and composed, but Connie startles anyway and grips his gun tightly, looking back to Jean. 

Steps, and Jean comes in, pulling a knife out and putting in Bertolt's hand. "Do what you have to do." Bertolt nods and moves to uncover Sasha's wound, getting the unexpected help of both Connie and Jean, one keeping her upright while the other gently peels the bandages off her belly.

The wound isn't ... bad, but it looks red and angry. Infected, as Connie said.

Bertolt nods sharply and presses the knife into his palm, grimacing at the pain, ignoring the way the two of them tense and focusing on the blood dripping from his hand.

He's got more experience on doing this than anyone else, even if it's not exactly_ his_ experience. He knows what to expect and the weird sensation of his blood crawling through someone else's body is no surprise. It swirls and pushes something out of the wound so it can get to what needs healing.

Bertolt reopens his eyes (he had not even realized he'd closed them) and watches as small bits are dropped right outside of Sasha's wound. Shards of wood and flecks of paint. No wonder the ragged wound had looked so red and swollen. Sasha's breathing is easing already. 

Bertolt stops focusing and feels his hand start steaming instantly. He hands the knife back to Jean, handle first, simply nodding when Connie thanks him with a trembling voice.

He had offered and had done what he had said he would. There's no point in thanking him.

Reiner bumps his shoulder with his as he steps out of the room, silently offering reassurance and support. Bertolt smiles a bit.

He _is_ glad he could help Sasha, even if she never learns about it. He's glad he was useful and for once, not in a way that meant anyone dying or getting hurt.

Reiner smiles in return. Once Sasha is tended to and tucked back in, they get moving but they only go a floor up and three doors down. Another bedroom?

This one's bigger, Bertolt realizes as the door opens, and there's a lot more people inside the room than just one person in a bed. Captain Levi. Squad Leader Hange. Commander Pixis. A man with a beard that looks important and dangerous. Armin. Christa and surprisingly enough, Ymir as well. There is someone in the bed, leaning back against a small mountain of cushions, sharp grey eyes finding Bertolt's.

"You're late." Captain Levi states, brow raised as he nails Connie and Jean with a look that's half bored, half annoyed.

Bertolt listens distractedly to the discussion that ensues. He doesn't need to listen to Jean explaining that they made a detour so Sasha could get healed; he'd been there, he knows what happened. 

He's a lot more interested by the clothes Christa's wearing, the deference the Commanders in the room seem to be showing her; he's also more interested in calculating the number of rooms they passed by, and the remaining floors above them. Commander Erwin's room is roughly in the middle of this part of the building, and they passed three rooms on the way in. There's at least one more floor above them, and then the roof.

It's a lot of available space for troops to be at the ready, waiting for the signal to close in on them. There's the wall, too, and he has no doubt there must be a group of soldiers must be perched there, awaiting orders. And then there's the fact that one of the Commanders is missing. Commander Erwin and Pixis are there, but the Commander of the Military Police is nowhere in sight. 

... they're expecting a fight.

Prepared to take them down at the first sign of trouble, but trying not to act openly aggressive. Possibly trying not to scare them? Or just hiding their hand until the time to strike comes. Bertolt looks at the group again and grey catches his eye. Commander Erwin has been watching him, observed how he'd taken in the situation. Bertolt feels himself still, the uncomfortableness of being the center of someone's attention making his skin crawl, but he doesn't break eye contact. If they're gonna stay here, if he's gonna stay here, he can't keep on hiding forever. And while he doesn't trust Erwin Smith, he knows the man is scarily smart and has a tactical mind that can go against Zeke's.

The interest is there, in the Commander's eyes, then Erwin looks away, eagerness flashing on his face, and gone just as fast. "Please come in and let us get started."

There's a couch facing the bed, but no-one sitting on it. ... it's in the middle of the room, surrounded by people. Bertolt glances to the windowsill and wonders for a split second before murmuring, "Do you mind if I sit by the window?" He can see at least three mouths opening to answer but Commander Erwin beats them all to it. "Please. If it puts you at ease."

It does. Bertolt nods gratefully and sits by the window, bringing one of his legs to his chest. He's still watched, still under too much scrutiny to feel comfortable, but... it's not as bad as sitting next to Reiner on that couch. He would have gotten twitchy and nervous, and that would have made Reiner nervous in turn.

It's for better, for everyone and for himself if he just sits over here.

Commander Erwin seems to be in charge of whatever this is, despite being bedridden and that bearded man- Bertolt could swear he knows who that is but the name escapes him.

Erwin clasps his hands together once they're both seated, the corners of his eyes tightening ever so lightly. "Good. In light of Armin and Ymir's testimony, it was decided to question you both in a more... private setting." Which means they don't want their trial to be public right away. Maybe not even at all. That-

That... doesn't sound like a bad start. At all.

Even if Commander Erwin seems to be in charge, Captain Hange is the one asking most of the questions, Captain Levi chiming in here and there.

"Where are you from?"

Though the questions are directed to both of them, it's Reiner that crosses his arms on his chest, squares his shoulders and answers.

"Liberio. It's beyond the sea, in Marley."

Despite the defensive posture, Reiner's voice is open, full of willingness. The look on his face tells Bertolt that he's still there, he hasn't flipped out, forgotten who he was again. Not yet.

"Why did you come here?"

"We were sent to find and retrieve the Coordinate."

"The coordinate? What's that?" Christa asks curiously.

"It's the one of Nine Titans, the one the king kept and that's supposedly passed down the royal family."

Christa's eyes widen. "Eren."

Reiner nods. "Yeah. We didn't know for sure but... that time he screamed and the Titans obeyed him?" He shakes his head, "That's a thing only the Coordinate can do."

* * *

The questions continue. 

Bertolt tunes most of it out. Reiner is their leader and he's got this covered. He listens distractedly to the words being said but he doesn't need to say anything. Not that he wants to anyway.

While Reiner is questioned, Bertolt reviews some plans, makes new ones. Escape plans, defense plans. Quick counter measure plans, if they're suddenly attacked. They'll certainly try to take him out first. Armor is their best way out but Bertolt himself is a lot more dangerous. Not as long as Reiner's here, but... they might not know that. Yet.

He wouldn't bet on it, though, between Armin and Ymir's testimonies. And Erwin Smith's scarily sharp mind. Not that he wants to have to execute those plans. But it's keeping him focused, his mind busy and clear, keeping the worry, the fear away for a time.

The sound of his name in Reiner's mouth brings him back to his senses. He looks away from the window, then to Erwin when Reiner jerks his chin toward the bed.

"You were not listening." Faint amusement, grey eyes crinkling at the corners. Bertolt shrugs a shoulder. "Reiner's our leader," comes out before he thinks of another answer, "He's got the answers you're looking for." _There's no need for me to participate in this conversation._

Erwin nods once, eyes lingering on Reiner as if weighing his worth, before returning to him. "I see. However, this question concerned _your_ reasons for reaching out to Armin in the middle of battle. I hear Reiner was fighting us, but you were not."

Bertolt looks away, organizing his thoughts into words. "Reiner wants to stay here. To live here, freely, be one of you." He shifts slightly, glancing at his partner and the guilt on his face. "If he had not fought you, if it had not looked like we were prisoners, that you were going to interrogate then execute him, Marley would have executed his family. In the best case." Bertolt focuses on a spot of reflected light on the opposite wall, flickering, shifting, there then gone. "They would probably be sent here," he continues, "turned into Titans and unleashed toward the Walls." Reiner's hands are balled into fists in his lap. Had he not thought that far ahead? Maybe, maybe not.

Erwin studies him as he talks, gaze piercing. "What about you?" _Don't you have a family as well?_ Reiner jerks up, suddenly worried. "Your father-"

"Is dead." Bertolt finishes quietly, lips flattening unhappily, ignoring the ache in his chest, the knot in his throat, as he holds Reiner's gaze, realization dawning in golden eyes. "_That's_ what Pieck told you. Is that why...?" Bertolt looks down, skin prickling, all too aware of the many eyes watching his every move. "Marley has no way to ensure my loyalty." _Not anymore._ "They would have had me replaced as soon as possible. There's no reason for me to go back."

Silence falls.

"You said you didn't care whether you stayed here or not." Armin chimes in tentatively, trying to catch Bertolt's gaze. "I don't." Bertolt confirms, eyes sliding back to the world outside the closed window. "But Reiner does."

They're not going anything better from here. Loyalty is a hard won currency and ... his belongs to his partner. To Annie, wherever she is. As long as Reiner wants to stay, he'll stay. The moment his best friend decides to leave- If he ever changes his mind-

"That will be all for now." Erwin states, impassive once more. "Jean, Connie." The two soldiers, their (ex)friends salute and open the door.

Time to go.

Bertolt uncurls from his spot on the windowsill and walks toward the now-open door, three steps behind Reiner.

"I wonder what was so interesting outside." Erwin comments, sounding innocent but his eyes hold that calculating edge when Bertolt glances back. He shrugs a shoulder, pausing in the entrance, "Your soldiers should know better than to let the sun reflect on blades. But I guess they're not used to adversaries that can think."

Erwin's gaze follows him as he leaves, the weight of it disappearing only when the door closes shut behind him. Connie sighs heavily. "Shit, I'm glad that's over." Jean snorts, heads back the way they came in first. "Let's go."

They- Did they handle things properly? It's hard to tell. But they had been honest, they had answered the questions asked. Was that enough? Enough to prove their willingness, that they had defected? That they wanted to stay here, for real?

Reiner bumps his shoulder with his own as they follow two steps behind Jean and Connie. "That went well, right?" Beyond their own actions, there are many more parameters to take into account. Bertolt smiles faintly. He wants to believe. For once. That what they did was right. "I hope so."

All that's left is waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys and gals and all of you wonderful non-binary peeps,
> 
> If you've stuck with me this long, first of all, thank you <3 
> 
> Second, I have made the choice of closing this fic for now, but this should not be the end for these two. However, I will put the rest of the story in another fic bc I feel they have reached the end of this sidepath ^^ New things ahead !
> 
> So stay around if you'd like and I'll see y'all soon(er or later)
> 
> Peace !


End file.
